


The Lucky Ones

by mndng



Category: Fifth Harmony (Band)
Genre: Angst, Camren - Freeform, F/F, Heavy Angst, I'm Sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-27
Updated: 2017-05-22
Packaged: 2018-05-16 15:09:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 36,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5830246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mndng/pseuds/mndng
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Soulmate AU: Your soulmate's name is tattooed on your body. </p><p>Camila just wishes it weren't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

**CAMILA**

 

The universe doesn’t give you many favors. It gives you your soulmate’s name, which I suppose is nice, but good luck ever finding them. It isn’t impossible, though a lot of times people don’t. Instead they find someone to fall in love with on their own and they walk with an air of arrogance claiming they chose their own love and the universe doesn’t dictate their life (and maybe it doesn’t). Sometimes they just settle, and there’s a bitterness and longing that lingers in knowing that you’re not someone’s everything - that there will always be something missing. And there are a few who choose the solitude, determined to only ever be with their soulmate, whether they find each other or not - usually not.

 

Then there are the ones who do find each other, who meet and everything suddenly makes sense. It’s like everything you read about and see in movies. And then they get to start their happily ever after, getting through every fight and every challenge together because there’s no more doubt. They’ve found ‘the one.’

 

My parents were the lucky ones and for a while I really believed that.

 

* * *

 

When I was seven I asked my parents for a baby sister and all they did was smile and kiss my cheek.

 

“One day soon, mija,” my mom had always said.

 

‘Soon’ turned out to be three years later when I’m in sixth grade and the leaves are turning colors. Mami was already three months along when they told me and the next six couldn’t happen fast enough. That Halloween we picked out pumpkins to carve and paint colors for the nursery. That Christmas all the presents my mother got were baby clothes and diapers.

 

I was impatient, asking my mom at least once every few weeks if the baby was ready to come out yet. Mami just smiled and said “Soon, mija.”

 

I fussed at her every time she would come home from the doctor’s, ecstatic over the ultrasound pictures she’d bring back. I would nod my head every time she pointed out where the baby was, when in reality all I saw were grey blobs. But she was convinced there was a baby in the picture and who was I to tell my mother she was wrong.

 

My eleventh birthday passed and my parents joked that they didn’t have to get my anything that year because they’re already giving me a sister. I didn’t join in, instead I had stomped my foot and fussed that they were three years late. They laughed a little harder before bringing out a new bike for me and I squealed. I hugged and kissed them, reassuring that I didn’t mean it when I said they were a couple of scrubs. I hugged my mom’s swollen tummy gently, quietly promising my future sister that I’d teach her how to ride a bike when she’s big enough and we’d own the streets together.

 

It’s Valentine’s day that I notice my father’s tattoo doesn’t look the same. I was hugging him goodbye as they left me with the babysitter so him and mami could go on a date. Gross. His sleeves were cuffed and I could plainly see his wrist when he put me down. The letters spelling ‘Sinuhe’ looked as if they were blurred around the edges and when his eyes followed my gaze all he did was give me a reassuring smile.

 

“We’ll be back soon, mija.” I don’t think anything of it, instead spending the whole night telling my babysitter what games I’d play with my sister when she’s finally here.  

 

April 1st rolls around and my parents were never ones for practical jokes but my dad doesn’t take it all too seriously when mami yells during dinner that her water just broke.

 

“Ha ha very funny,” he had said with slight amusement. “April Fools to you too, baby.”

 

“ _Tonto_ , I’m nine months along and you think I’m joking? Take me to the hospital _now,_ ” she demanded, no laughter in her tone. It was 9:34 PM and we were rushing to the hospital while my dad reminds mami to breathe.

 

“ _Lo s_ _é_ , Alejandro,” she emphasized. She was the pregnant one after all, I figured she knew what to do.

 

She was in labor for seven hours and on the 2nd of April at 3:57 AM, Sofia Cabello officially came into the world as my little sister.

 

But then she was in surgery for two hours and on the 2nd of April at 6:13 AM, Sinuhe Cabello was officially declared dead. There was too much blood loss, they couldn’t stop it in time.

 

At eleven years old I understood the remorse in the doctor’s voice and I understood my father’s choked sobs. But at just eleven I couldn’t understand why gaining Sofi meant losing my mom or why the tattoo of her name on dad’s wrist was suddenly smudged and illegible. All I know was that it hurt.

 

It hurt watching my dad build himself up each morning to take care of us, only to break down the minute he’d settle into an empty bed every night. It ached to see Sofi stare so longingly at mom’s pictures around the house. It stung to see my father’s smile never reach his eyes and for his laugh to always sound so hollow. It was troubling to see him put food on the table yet rarely eat with us and later tuck us in only to hear his muffled cries behind closed doors. It crushed me to see his heart be so full of love for me and Sofi yet his soul so empty without mom.

 

At fifteen I realized that my parents weren’t the lucky ones, it wasn’t a favor from the universe that they find each other. It was a cruel game, for them to meet and look forward to forever when one of them was running on borrowed time.

 

At fifteen I became Camila Cabello, the girl who grew up too fast with not enough and at the same time too much to handle. At fifteen I realized that finding my soulmate was the last thing I wanted to do.

 

* * *

 

**DECEMBER 2019**

 

I drop my bags by the front door and I barely finish hugging my dad when I hear a familiar voice from the stairs.

 

“Kaki!” A smallish body jumps into my arms and I’m suddenly wrapped in tiny limbs and a mess of hair in my face.

 

“Wow, okay. You’ve definitely gotten bigger,” I huff as I hold onto Sofi. She ignores my comment and hugs me tighter, a muffled ‘I miss you’ said into my shoulder.

 

“I’ve missed you too, little one.” I begin peppering her cheeks in kisses until I hear Sofi giggle and demand I stop.

 

“Okay, gross.” She drops down to her feet, making a show of wiping her face with the back of her hand. “Yuck.” I stick my tongue out at her and follow her into the kitchen with my dad right behind us.

 

“Kaki, I have so much to show you! I painted my room and papi bought me a new desk. Oh! There’s also this drawing I did in art that I want you to see,” Sofi’s words all come out in one breath and I nod eagerly along with her. She’s practically bouncing off the walls and I match her huge smile with one of my own.

 

“I can’t wait to see it all, but how about you go upstairs and wait a few minutes while I grab a banana and talk to dad for a bit? Give me and him a chance to catch up, alright?”

 

Sofi is quick to say yes, bolting to her room to prepare everything and my smile never leaves my face as I watch her run up the stairs. Turning back around to face my father, who sits at the dining table and watching me with tired eyes. I briefly wonder how much sleep he’s been getting. It’s hardly improved over the years but he manages better these days. At least that’s what my sister tells me.

 

“I’m glad you’re home again, mija. This is the most excited I’ve seen Sofia in a while.”

 

I shoot him an apologetic look. “I know, she’s been texting me every other day for the past month about me coming home. I’m sorry I couldn’t make the trip sooner. It’s harder to take as much time off work and I’ve been considering starting grad school so it’s been really hectic lately.”

 

He holds his hand up at my statement. “Don’t worry about that, we completely understand. We’re just glad you managed to be here for a couple weeks this time,” he reassures me. “I’m also glad because Sofi seems to be starting puberty already with how much she’s grown and I was wondering…”

 

“Oh my god,” my jaw drops as I understand what he’s hinting at. “You haven’t had the talk with Sofi yet?!”

 

He puts his hands up in defense and shrugs. “Your mother gave you the talk when it came time to it and I’ve read the parenting books but it’s not the same. It’s been decades since I’ve taken an anatomy class, I wouldn’t be able to do ‘the talk’ any justice,” dad throws me a pitiful look and I jokingly scoff.

 

“So you’re just going to transfer all the hard work to me?” I almost falter at the mention of mom but instead laugh in disbelief and shake my head at my dad. He gives me a cheeky grin and though it’s not as convincing as before, I’m just thankful that it’s easier for him to smile now. I snack on a banana as he gives me an overview of what’s been happening in my absence and I’m relieved to know Sofia seems to be doing well. She’s making plenty of friends in school, she’s doing well with her grades and she’s cut down to only having pizza once a week (both a miracle and a travesty, if you ask me). It’s when we get to the topic of my dad making new friends where it goes downhill.

 

“There’s this friend of a co-worker I met at a holiday party a couple of weeks ago,” he starts. “Her name is Clara.”

 

“Okay…” I stiffen in my seat and my blood is suddenly rushing to my head, heartbeat pounding in my ears. ‘ _Please tell me she’s married_ ,’ I chant to myself while crossing my fingers.

 

“And she has a daughter.”

 

I don’t think before the words are out of my mouth. “Papi please don’t tell me you tried to go for it with her.”

 

He stares back at me for a second before realization dawns on him and his face shows shock. “ _Ay Dios mío, por supuesto que no!_ ”

 

I throw my head back and nearly cackle, too amused with myself as he shakes his head, waiting for my laughter to die down. I take a deep breath and motion with my hand to encourage him to continue.

 

“Okay, sorry sorry,” I giggle. “Please finish what you were saying. She has a daughter?”

 

He nods and meets my gaze, seemingly nervous now. “Her name is Lauren.”

 

Every part of my body goes rigid and my blood runs cold for a moment while the tattoo under my collar bone feels as though it’s burning. I take a few seconds to compose myself without breaking eye contact.

 

“Lauren isn’t a very uncommon name, dad,” I reply evenly.

 

“Clara told me that Lauren’s tattoo says-”

 

“Papi, no. Please tell me you didn’t say anything to her.”

 

He brings his hand to his face and pinches the bridge of his nose before facing me again. “No, I didn’t. But I wanted to tell you, maybe you’d change your mind if you saw her.”

 

“Saw her?” I nearly start panicking right there, my father pulling out his phone and I almost reach across the table to smack it out of his hand.

 

“Yeah, Clara texted me a couple of pictures.” He begins to turn the screen to me and I immediately cover it with my hand.

 

“I don’t-” I pause to take the bite out of my tone. “I don’t want to see her,” I say much softer this time. “I don’t want to meet her and I don’t want her to know about me. No use in getting her hopes up just to be disappointed. I am fine as I am, but thank you.” Pressing the power button on his phone to turn his screen off, I set his phone down. He sighs and purses his lips.

 

“All I’m hearing is that you don’t want to be happy.”

 

I avert my gaze from his and shift in my chair. ‘ _All I’m trying to say is I don’t want to end up like_ you.,’ I think to myself. I gulp loudly and the way his shoulders slump, I know that he understands what I won’t say aloud.

 

“It won’t be the end of the world, mija,” my father sighs. “Life goes on.”

 

I want to scoff, the urge to lash out is strong and I count to ten in my mind to stop myself. “Don’t tell me that,” I shake my head angrily. “Don’t tell me that when you have two loving daughters who have done everything for you and you’re still not happy. We’re still not enough for you!”

 

I should’ve done more than count to ten, I guess.

 

“You know it’s not like that,” he argues.

 

“But it _is_ , dad. I know you love us with all that’s left of your heart but there’s still so much of it missing and you know that.” I fight back the tears as my voice goes low, on the verge of cracking. “I don’t want to one day find myself loving everyone around me and still not have it be enough because so much of me was lost in someone else.”

 

My dad’s frown deepens and his jaw clenches but he says nothing. I worry that I’ve gone too far but it’s too late to backpedal and I’m too proud to apologize.

 

“Can we just drop it?” I plead. He nods and avoids my gaze.

 

“I’m going to take Sofi to dinner later and we’ll bring you back something, okay?”

 

He only nods again and I don’t look back as I make my way up the stairs to Sofi’s room.

 

 

* * *

 

**LAUREN**

 

I hum to myself as I wrap silverware, the monotonous work almost calming, a nice contrast between the back and forth that waiting tables requires. I’m on the last fifteen minutes of my shift at the diner and I am more than ready to go home and avoid my thesis work for school. I’m interrupted from my thoughts when my coworker approaches my table.

 

“The guy at table 7 just left me his number and I am at the point of getting a new nametag saying ‘Raging Lesbian,” Vero rants, plopping herself in the chair across from me to help roll silverware into napkins. “I need this Lucy chick to hurry on up, Lo. I’m getting old and wrinkly, I’m lonely at night, and I need that marriage license for insurance benefits, ya feel?”

 

At this I let out a loud laugh behind my hand, shaking my head as I bundle the silverware in the cloth.

 

“You’re only twenty-three, Vero. You have four wrinkles at most.”

 

“Lo, their growth is exponential! This is only the beginning.” She wags a set of wrapped silverware at me with a distressed look and I roll my eyes at her.

 

“Right, of course.”

 

I sympathized with Vero. I know she’s making jokes now, but she’s like the rest of us, wanting to be part of the lucky ones that find each other. She wants to start the rest of her life with Lucy Whoever and take the question out of everything. We all know the chances are small, a lot of us accepting the fact that we’ll fall in love on our own with someone else and that’s okay. Being meant for someone doesn’t always mean being in their life, at least not in this universe, but there’s always the sliver of hope that we’re still going to find ‘the one.’     

 

“Hey Lauren,” our manager Ally softly calls out to me. “I just sat a party of two at table ten. Could you just get their orders and I’ll have Vero cover you when her break is done so you can go home?” She requests with a smile and I wouldn’t say no even if she wasn’t my boss. It’s hard to deny anyone that’s made of sunshine. I mock salute her and she playfully rolls her eyes before walking away.

 

I’m fishing through my apron for my pad and pen as I make my way to the table, but I suddenly stop when my eyes land on the party of two at the booth. There’s two brunettes, sisters probably. One a young girl who looks to be around ten, speaking animatedly with the most captivating woman I’ve ever had the privilege to look at. Her hair is in a neat bun with loose strands that frame her face, and her smile is a little crooked, but her eyes are warm and all sorts of golden brown. She nods along with the all that the little girl says and my heart seems to swell at the clear adoration she shows.

 

When I was younger my mom had always told me that when I found my soulmate, something inside me would know. I would see them, I would feel it, and I would just know. And right now everything inside me knows, is sure that the rest of my life is with this girl wrapped in an olive green bomber jacket and a raspy laugh. Adrenaline rushes through me at the realization and I’m compelled to run towards her but I’m also frozen in fear.

 

What if it’s not her?

 

Shit. No. This is it. I know it. I felt the thing like my mom said I would and this is it. She’s it for me.

 

All I need now is to know her name and we can start forever together.

 

I close my eyes, taking a deep breath to steady myself before I finally begin to make slow and deliberate steps towards the table. The girl sees me approaching and turns to face me and I take another shaky breath. The neckline of her shirt rides a little low, enough that her collar bones are exposed and I can see the tiny printed tattoo next to her sternum.

 

_Lauren_

 

I’m on cloud nine by the time I start my greeting prompt.

 

“Hi, my name’s Lauren and I’ll be one of your servers tonight.” I flash the two a smile and watch the older girl from the corner of my eye to gauge her reaction and I bite back a squeal at how her own eyes widen. Her gaze darts down to my left forearm where my own tattoo is, right under where my arm bends and she visibly stiffens. She quickly looks away from me and I’m torn between the adrenaline keeping me buzzed and this inkling of worry that wells in the pit of my stomach. The little girl returns my smile and waits for me to finish the usual prompt.

 

“Can I get you two anything to drink?” I continue.  
  


“Uh yes, we’re also ready to order.” Bomber jacket’s voice is just as raspy as her laugh and I discreetly lean against the edge of the table to stop myself from swooning. Her eyes are fixated on the menu and every part of me wishes she’d look back at me. The little one eagerly orders pancakes with raspberry syrup and I commend her breakfast-for-dinner choice. Always a favorite.

 

Turning back to the older sister, I wait patiently with pen and paper in hand.

 

“I'll have the French toast with bananas.” Her tone seems to be clipped but I don't let my confidence waver.

 

“Can I have a name for that order?” I know it's not part of the routine, I know it's transparent, and the way she blinks at me just once lets me know that she does indeed see right through me. There’s a moment of hesitation where she still refuses to meet my eyes and it feels like forever, but when she finally speaks I feel myself flinch, all confidence gone.

 

“Camila.”

 

Her name is beautiful and enthralling and it suits her.

 

It’s also entirely _wrong_ and I’ve never thought about how it would feel to break from the inside out but it must feel a lot like this.

 

“Kaki,” the younger girl practically whispers.

 

“Not now, Sofi,” she- _Camila_ says with finality in her voice, almost glaring at her sister but her eyes remains soft.

 

There’s a very large part of me that’s devastated, that was wholeheartedly ready to commit my life to this woman. The other part of me, though much smaller, is loud and admonishing. Lauren isn’t a very uncommon name. I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up knowing my chances were so slim to begin with. I had felt so sure and now I’m not sure about much of anything.

 

I realize I’ve been staring when Camila clears her throat to bring me out of my thoughts.

 

“Oh uh, right. I’ll send in those orders for you, Ca-” I swallow hard, beginning to feel lightheaded. “Camila,” I strain in saying. I nearly sprint to the kitchen and I pretend to not feel Camila’s eyes watch me as I retreat. I beeline to Vero in the break room and grab her by the shoulders, frantic and close to panicking.

 

“Vero, I felt it.”

 

“It? The fuck is it? Ow! Stop squeezing so tight, geez.”

 

I immediately release my hold on her and outstretch my arm, pointing to my tattoo. “ _It._ I felt it and I knew.”

 

Vero’s jaw drops and her eyes almost fall out of her head. Suddenly she’s jumping up and down, hands flapping. “Oh my god, Lauren! The girl at table ten? It’s her? You lucky fuck, she’s gorgeous.”

 

“No.”

 

Vero stops jumping and her excitement is replaced with confusion. “What ‘no?’ You just said you felt ‘it.’” She makes a vague hand motion.

 

“I was wrong,” I shrug weakly and voice quiet. “Her name’s Camila.”

 

She becomes sympathetic, her hand reaching for mine and squeezing in comfort. I speak again before she gets the chance to say ‘I’m sorry.’

 

“Does that happen? Where people feel it and they’re so sure but they end up being wrong?”

 

“I- I really don’t know, Lo. I’m sorry,” she says just as softly.

 

I release a shaky breath and screw my eyes shut to stop the tears because I’m sorry too.

 

“My shift is over so I’m just gonna- I’m gonna head home.” I cringe at how my voice cracks and Vero does that thing with her eyebrows that tells me she’s worried. I wave her off with an ‘I’m fine’ and quickly gather my things to leave. “I’ll see you Monday.”  

 

“Lo.”

 

I lean against the doorframe but remain silent and she watches me carefully.

 

“You’re going to be okay. I’m here and I love you.”

 

Now she’s just _trying_ to make me cry. I nod and smile, not trusting my voice anymore. It’s enough for her and I start the walk to the back door and head for my car. My keys are in my hand except I’m suddenly standing in front of Camila and Sofi again. Definitely not my car.

 

“Hi Lauren,” the little one greets me and I’m taken aback at how casual she seems to be with me. I quickly regain myself.

 

“Hey cutie, I wanted to drop by to say my shift is over but Vero will be taking care of you for the rest of your meal. I uh, hope you enjoy the rest of your evening,” my words are sweet but they sound forced, even to me.

 

“Oh,” Sofi breathes out, almost sounding disappointed but I’m probably imagining that too. “Thank you,” she says politely with a toothy smile and I’m utterly charmed with the little girl. But then I’m facing Camila once more and everything inside me seems to crumble again when I spot her tatoo. She’s avoiding direct eye contact and that should’ve been convincing enough for me to finally leave but words spill out of my mouth before I can stop them.

 

“I hope you find your Lauren.”

 

Camil glances up at me and surprise flashes across her features. Her gaze shifts to my tattoo for just a second before giving me a tight lipped smile.

 

“Thank you. I hope you find your Karla.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the angst is heavy with this one, sorry in advance!
> 
> I'm also posting this on wattpad @taller-smol so you should read it there too because I love validation :) 
> 
> sorry again for all the angst but i love you for reading!!

**CAMILA**

 

**4:26 PM**

 

“I didn’t think I would find her,” I state quietly. I’m sitting on the ground, hugging my legs to my chest with eyes focused on a patch of grass in front of me. 

 

“I had never put much thought into it, y’know? Like, I had completely ruled it out as a possibility because the odds were always so slim. But then I’m out for dinner and she ends up being my waitress and it’s nothing like I would’ve imagined.” I huff, picking at the grass for all of two seconds until I lean my head back on the tombstone I'm sitting against. 

 

“I wish I had asked you what it was like when you saw dad. Because I saw Lauren and I swear I couldn't breathe. It was like everything stopped and she was all I saw and my chest felt tight but it was nice. I felt safe, looking at her.” I take a deep breath to calm myself, exhaling through my nose. 

 

“She's so beautiful, mami,” I whisper while my eyes fall shut. “Her eyes are like the ocean and the forest at the same time. They're the kind of green I imagine Harry Potter would've had. Her hair is jet black too but I’m sure it’s not her real hair color. And her voice -  _ oh my god,  _ mami her voice.” I pause, letting out a shaky breath. 

 

“She’s almost intimidating until you see her smile.” A tear slides down my cheek as I remember the way Lauren’s smile disappeared when I said my name. 

 

“I didn’t think it would be that hard,” my voice wavers and more tears make their way down my face. “You’d hate that I did it, that I told her my name was Camila. But I saw the way dad was after you were gone and I just- I  _ can’t _ .” I angrily wipe away at my tears as I choke back a sob. 

 

“I miss you,” I croak, curling up and pressing my forehead to the tombstone and my fingers grazing over the letters that spell _ Sinu _ . “I don’t remember what your voice sounds like and I haven’t heard papi sing in  _ so _ long.” I begin  _ weeping  _ of all things, the kind of crying where it’s hard to breathe and it doesn’t feel too different from how I’ve felt the past eleven years. 

 

“I didn’t think you wouldn’t be here.” I barely manage to get the words out because now I’m bawling and near hysterics, unable to keep my emotions in check any longer. It’s cathartic the way I’m curled up against my mom’s tombstone, crying my eyes out, and I feel like I’m three years old again. But it’s also pathetic the way I’m curled up against my mom’s tombstone, crying my eyes out, and wishing I could be three years old and in her arms again.

 

* * *

 

 

**7:32 PM**

 

When I make it back to my car I have 7 texts and 4 missed calls and part of me grows anxious.

 

_ Sofi [4:47]: i kno w you werent paying attention when papi said he got invited to a holiday party but it’s tonight  _

_ Sofi [4:47]: will you please come with us??? _

_ Sofi [4:48]: they probably have a lot of food _

_ Sofi [7:18]: they do have a lot of food _

_ Sofi [7:21]: the food is really good  _

 

_ Papi [6:20]: when will u b home? _

_ Papi [6:55]: call when u can pls _

 

I sigh, brows furrowing in confusion. What’s with my dad and holiday parties lately? I check the time as I ring up my dad.  _ 7:34. _ It barely registered that night had fallen and I’ve been out so late.

 

“ _ Mija?” _

 

“Hi papi, at another holiday party? I didn’t know you were so festive.”

 

There’s a small laugh on his end and it’s a refreshing contrast to the tear stains across my cheeks. “ _ Festive wasn’t necessarily my only reason.”  _ There’s a long pause and I’m about to ask when he speaks up again.

 

“ _ I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said,”  _ I bite my lip, guilt flashing through me as I readily prepare an apology.

 

_ “And you’re right.” _

 

Oh.

 

_ “I don’t want you to think that you were never enough for me, you were more than I could’ve ever asked for as a daughter and I’m so lucky to have you and Sofi both. After your mom everything just seemed to be too much and I didn’t know how to handle anything, so I wouldn’t. But I’m ready to let life be enough for me again and this holiday party was the soonest I could start. Of course I would love it if you got to be here with me but I can understand if you can’t make it out tonight. There will be othe-”  _

 

I wipe away at quickly forming tears and am quick to cut in. “No! I can make it. Text me the address and let me drop by the house to change clothes and I’ll be there as soon as I can, okay?”

 

_ “Take your time, mija. And thank you, it doesn’t seem like much but it means a lot to me.”  _

 

“Of course, papi. I love you.” 

 

“ _ I love you too, mija. See you soon.” _

 

* * *

 

**8:22 PM**

 

I double check myself in my car mirror, making sure my eyes aren't too red and that all my sniffles are gone but I look tired enough that anyone could guess I’ve been crying. I force myself to think my appearance is okay enough, hoping no one thinks anything of my appearance. 

 

“Hey, you must be Alejandro’s daughter!” A burly man immediately greets me at the door, jolly face and welcoming smile, the santa hat a nice touch. I nod shyly and smile in return as he motions me inside. I don’t notice the way his eyes show recognition to the tattoo poking out from the collar of my shirt.

 

“My name’s Mike, nice to meet you!” He gives my hand a firm shake and he continues before I manage a response. “Come ahead and follow me. Your dad is talking to my wife Clara.”

 

My body immediately tenses as the conversation between my father and I surfaces in my mind.

 

“ _ There’s this friend of a co-worker…” _

 

_ “Her name is Clara.” _

 

_ “She has a daughter… Her name is Lauren.” _

 

No no no no no no.  _ Fuck  _ no.

 

I should’ve known this was a fucking trap.  

 

And suddenly I’m in front of my dad talking to someone who has enough resemblance to the waitress from last week for me to know that she’s Clara. My dad sees me from his spot against the kitchen counter and I know it’s too late for me to run back to my car. 

 

“Ah mija you’re finally here.” My dad meets me with a concerned gaze when he notices the puffiness of my eyes and the redness of my nose, knowing very well I’ve spent my time away from them crying. I wave him off with a reassuring smile even though all I want to do is scream at him to stop meddling. The look he gives me says he won’t push it. 

 

“This is Clara and I see you’ve already met Mike.” My dad tells me, I give them a stiff nod in greeting and they beam back at me. 

 

“Where’s Sofi?” I manage through gritted teeth. 

 

“She’s playing with some of the other kids,” Clara tells me. “Oh, I think that’s her coming with-.” 

 

I turn around to find Sofi jogging towards me. “Kaki!” 

 

There’s suddenly a Sofi hanging off of me and I barely manage to catch her without falling on my ass. “Hey Sof. You act like you didn’t see me just this morning.” 

 

Sofi rolls her eyes affectionately as she hops down onto her feet. “Kaki, guess who I found!” 

 

I don’t want to guess.

 

“It’s Lauren!” 

 

Fuck.

 

“Hi again, Camila.”

 

Fucking fuck.

  
My head snaps in the direction of her voice and I can practically feel the air leave my body at the sight of her. I’m reeling at the crop top she’s wearing, a festive red. The black high waisted jeans she’s wearing looking a lot like what she had on at the diner and I scold myself for noticing. 

 

I make a weak attempt in avoiding her eyes but how could anyone  _ not _ look at them. Green and piercing and completely captivating. It suits her well to have be the most beautiful girl and have the most beautiful eyes. Though when I see them I really wish I hadn’t, for Lauren looks so…exhausted. When she meets my gaze all I see is resignation and I can feel my heart clench while guilt washes over me.

 

“Camila?” I turn at the way both Mike and Clara’s voice raise in question, and there’s suddenly recognition in their eyes. My guess is that Lauren told them about me.

 

Double fuck.

 

Clara and Mike share a look before turning back to my dad. “You never told us your daughter’s name was Camila,” Clara notes, underlying suspicion in her voice for a particularly specific question. 

 

“It hadn’t come up?” My dad dodges and I’m almost thankful for him until his eyes dart back and forth between me and Lauren with a knowing look.  

 

“Well Camila,” Mike clears his throat. “If you’re hungry there’s plenty of food and drinks in the kitchen.” 

 

“I can show her,” Lauren quickly jumps in. 

 

No please don’t, I think to myself. 

 

Sofi clings to my dad’s side and waves me off with an innocent smile as Lauren begins leading me away. I give her a very pointed look, telepathically telling her ‘traitor.’ She only smiles wider.

 

I follow Lauren into the kitchen, willing myself to calm down and believe that the only things happening tonight is free food and superficial small talk with my dad’s friends. I shouldn’t have to be worried about anything because my dad  _ promised _ he would drop this whole thing. Tonight should go without incident. 

 

At least I hope. 

 

* * *

 

 

**LAUREN**

 

**7:24 AM**

 

Light peeks through my window as I stare up at my ceiling from my bed. A week has passed and I’m doing that thing where I pretend I haven’t been counting how long it’s been since I’ve seen Camila (184 hours and about 30 minutes, if anyone’s asking). Most of the week has been spent trying to figure out why seeing Camila made every fiber of my being so hyperaware of her, so wanting of her presence. I consider that maybe Camila is a different kind of soulmate; one that’s meant to be in my life, she just isn’t meant to be mine. It’s the most reasonable explanation and the hardest to accept but I won’t let myself be foolish enough to get my hopes up another time. 

 

Yet the idea of my soulmate being anyone  _ but _ Camila is daunting to the say the least. Imagining my future with someone; being intimate, moving in together, sneaking into concerts, driving around at 3:00 AM, holidays with my parents. All I’ve ever wondered was ‘who could it be?’ After meeting Camila all I can ask is ‘who  _ else  _ could it be?’ 

 

I stare at the tattoo on my arm and trace over it with my thumb. How unfortunate for Karla that her soulmate is hung up on someone else. 

 

With a deep sigh, I rise from my bed and begin getting ready for my day. 

 

I dread going into the diner today, having fallen into the habit of hoping Camila walks back in with her little sister, constantly imagining that she apologizes for the other night and simply tells me “Just kidding, my name  _ is _ actually Karla.” 

 

It’s such a stretch and even more so a cruel joke to make but one I would readily forgive to be able to be with her. 

 

Guilt creeps into my mind because I’m not supposed to want her like this, like she’s meant for me. But there was something in me that just  _ knew-  _ I was so fucking sure. No one likes being wrong but this one really takes the cake. 

 

For about the hundredth time in the past week I wonder what it’s like to be one of the lucky ones.  

 

* * *

 

**10:11 AM**

 

My shift at work is slow and Vero is only barely helping me keep my sanity. We’re in the back, polishing silverware. The past week she’s avoided talking about the name tattooed on her ribcage though I can practically feel how much she has to restrain herself from doing so. She’s always enjoyed talking about it, revels in imagining what  _ Lucy _ could be like. 

 

I used to enjoy it too, picturing what my own soulmate was like. But I think Vero knows as well as I do that any picturing I do now will only end up looking like Camila, and it stings. 

 

“Are you dropping by my family’s Christmas party tonight?” I ask, attempting to bring myself out of my own thoughts. 

 

“For sure, Lo! Gotta spend time with my own fam for a bit but I’ll definitely be by. Your mom is making those empanadas right?”   
  
“Just like every other year,” I say with a grin. 

 

“Okay, don’t tell my mom I like Clara’s empanadas better. She’d disown me,” Vero exaggerates and I let myself chuckle. 

 

“My mom would probably adopt you if you told her that.”

 

Vero smiles wide at that and we let a comfortable silence settle between us. A few minutes pass before I decide to finally talk about what’s been nagging at me the past few days. 

 

“I talked to my mom about Camila,” I mention quietly. Vero nearly drops the forks she’s wiping off and kind of just stares at me.

 

“What did you say?”

 

I swallow thickly. “Just that I felt everything she said I would when I saw Camila.”   
  
“And what did Clara say?”   
  
I almost want to laugh when I think about what my mom said. “Maybe my tattoo is wrong.”   
  


It’s clear that Vero wasn’t expecting that, her jaw going slack before promptly closing. She seems to think about what she says next. “Do you think that ever happens?” 

 

I stay quiet because I don’t know. 

 

“Okay how about this,” she presses forward. “Do you want it to happen?”

 

And I stay quiet because we both know I do.

 

* * *

 

 

**4:24 PM**

 

“Helloooo your favorite child is here!” I call out as I step into my parents’ house, dropping my bag by the stairs. 

 

“Lauren, don’t say that! Your siblings might hear you,” my dad calls out from the kitchen. I giggle at the shouts of disapproval from upstairs. Chris and Taylor no doubt having heard. 

 

“She’s no favorite of mine when she has the nerve to show up half an hour later than I asked her to,” my mom emerges from the kitchen, wiping her hands dry as she comes to greet me. Her arms engulf me in a tight hug as she kisses my cheek.

 

“Hi mami,” I say warmly. 

 

“Hi baby, how come you’re late?” She lays on the ‘stern mother’ tone really thick and I roll my eyes with a smirk. 

 

“Miami traffic continues to thwart all of my attempts at being punctual,” I tell her in mock seriousness. She swats at my arm before bringing me to the dining room to help set up the food and plates. 

 

“Michael, at least come greet your favorite daughter.” 

 

“I already spoke to Taylor today,” my dad says in jest,  stopping at the doorway with a small towel in his hand a dirty apron around his waist. 

 

“I knew you liked her better!” I pretend to be offended.

 

“Doesn’t everyone?” My jaw drops at the remark before laughing along with my parents. My dad quickly hugs me before rushing back to the food. I roll my eyes and focus on helping my mom finish decorating. 

 

“Are you guys expecting a lot of people tonight?” I ask to fill the silence. 

 

“No bigger than last year,” my mom shrugs as she hangs some garland. “Though I have a couple new friends from work coming. As well as a friend of a friend I met from the employee Thanksgiving party should be coming with one of his daughters, both if he can convince the older one to come.”

 

She suddenly pauses, seeming to have thought of something. “That reminds me, I’ve told Chris and Taylor about this already but I just wanted to give you a heads up about one of the people coming, his name is Alejandro.”   
  
“Okay?” 

 

“I hate being so blunt about it, but he’s lost his soulmate. It’s been a while but it still seems to be a touchy subject so just don’t bring it up around him-”

 

“How do you even know? Did he just tell you?”   
  


“No, his tattoo is blacked out.”   
  


“ _ Oh _ ,” I say softly, the words hitting me hard because I couldn’t even imagine how that could affect someone. My mind flashes to the tattoo on my own arm and my heart clenches at the thought of waking up one day to find the name smeared and illegible. I swallow hard and fight the urge to let my mind wander.

 

“Yes, so just be mindful of what you bring up around him, okay?” She returns to hanging the garland.   
  
“Yeah, of course,” I nod quickly. 

 

A few minutes pass and I've just about hung all the mistletoe when my mom breaks the silence. 

 

“Have you been okay,sweetie?.”

 

“Huh?” 

 

“You just look so tired, Lauren. I'm a little worried,” she pauses to look at me fully, wringing her hands together. “I told your dad about what happened last week at your job because I know you wouldn't want to tell it twice.” 

 

I'm caught between giving a sigh of relief and crawling in a hole to hide. I didn't want to have to think about any of that just yet, still having so much trouble in keeping my mind off of Camila. I simply nod at her words and breathe deeply. 

 

“Yeah that's been, uh, been bothering me a bit. I guess,” I mentally cringe at how I unconvincing I sound. Of course, my mom can tell, and she walks over to me and closes the gap between us as she gently takes me into her arms. 

 

“Oh, baby. This isn't the end of the world, okay? Finding your soulmate isn't an all or nothing kind of thing. You're going to find someone who loves you from start to finish with everything they have and their name may or may not be Karla but what matters is that they chose  _ you _ . And you'll be theirs because they want you to be as much as they want to be yours.” She rubs my back in soothing circles and I'm desperate to believe her but there's a hollowness to her words that I know she doesn't intend for. Because my mom's tattoo says  _ Michael _ and my dad's tattoo says  _ Clara _ and they're literally meant for each other and they get to have each other so what does she know about what I'm feeling?

 

“Okay,” I mumble because there's nothing else I can really say. 

* * *

 

 

**7:32 PM**

 

Decorations didn't take long and I retreat upstairs to my old room when we finish. I lay in bed and battle with myself to think of nothing while the time passes. I'm close to drifting off when I hear my dad call for all of us to get ready and I'm almost compelled to just turn over and let myself sleep. 

 

After some hesitation, I will myself to get dressed and people start arriving right around when the sun sets and I’m surprised there’s already so many guests, most of the first floor fairly crowded at this point. Me and my parents make our rounds, mingling with their co-workers and catching up with family friends while Chris and Taylor avoid all responsibility in talking to anyone. 

 

I'm realizing I hadn't put enough thought into preparing myself for the night when people suddenly ask me if I've gotten into dating yet. 

 

The first time someone asks, my chest tightens and all of me tenses because after last week I really  _ don't  _ want to get into dating. How are you supposed to tell people you thought you found your soulmate but you were wrong and now dating is the last thing you want? 

 

My parents come to my rescue though, explaining how my studies are my focus and dating isn't a priority. I nod along and plaster a small smile on my face as the evening continues along like this. 

 

It's not even 8 o'clock and I'm already exhausted with the night. I send Vero a text to hurry up and save me. All she texts back is a reminder to save her some empanadas. 

 

Unbelievable. 

 

My mom calls for my attention as someone new stands before us. A man with greying hair, heavy eyes, and a familiarity in his features that I can't seem to place. 

 

“Lauren, this is Alejandro. He's from the last holiday party I went to and he works with your Tia Lizet.” 

 

We both lean in to shake hands and I greet him with a smile. 

 

“It's nice to meet you, your mother speaks very highly of you.” 

 

I give my mom an almost impressed look. “Well I  _ am  _ her favorite child.” 

 

“You were late this afternoon so that's still up for debate,” she nudges me with a smile. 

 

“Where's your kid, Alejandro?” My dad asks. “Unless that wasn't your daughter I saw with you,” he adds with a laugh. 

 

“Ah no, it was. She's probably off to find some food, she's got as big of an appetite as her older sister.” 

 

“Are they both here?” 

 

“My other daughter has been out doing errands all day so she might not be able to make it tonight. But hopefully- oh, there's Sofia! Mija, come here.” 

 

A girl about four and a half feet tall slowly approaches us as she balances a plate of food in one hand and a cup in the other. “Yes papi?” 

 

“I just wanted you to meet my friends. These are the Jauregui’s and their daughter Lauren.” 

 

“Our other kids are around here somewhere, probably with the kids outside,” my dad tells them. I'm staring at the little girl with furrowed eyebrows because I  _ know _ I've seen her before. 

 

“Hey, I know you!” Sofia calls out to me. “You work at the diner me and Kaki went to last week. You make great pancakes!” 

 

I consider the possibility that I'm hallucinating, that Camila’s little sister isn't standing in my house with her dad. I stare dumbly at the little girl for who knows how long until I shake myself out of my thoughts. 

 

“Uh- I don't cook the food myself , sweetie,” I stutter out. 

 

“Oh. Well they were really good. I've been asking Kaki to go back with me.”

 

I return to staring dumbly, unsure what to say now. My gaze shifts to Alejandro and he looks at me with scrutiny, until recognition flashes across his features. I can feel my parents watching us intently, uncertain of the exchange that's happening. We're all spared from the awkward silence when someone's phone goes off. Alejandro excuses himself when he realizes it's his phone ringing and my parents take it as cue to leave me as well, Sofi staring at me with her plate of food and unassuming smile. 

 

“Why don't we go sit down so you can eat?” I suggest. 

 

“Okay good because I forgot I only had two hands.” Her comment causes me to smile and I try to ease my nerves. 

 

The time with Sofi passes swiftly for the sake of getting this story to move along. Sofi’s finished eating by the time Vero finally arrives and finds me. 

 

“Here you are! I've been looking all over for you.” 

 

“Vero, the house isn't that big.” 

 

“There's a lot of people to maneuver around!” She defends herself, turning to the body next to me and finally noticing Sofi. She seems to recognize her immediately. 

 

“Hey, I know you!” She gives the young girl a friendly smile. “You were at the diner last week.” 

 

“I know you too!” Sofi smiles back. “Me and Kaki thought you were really nice.” 

 

“Aw thanks, nugget.” Vero brings her fist up for Sofi to bump. 

 

There's the slightest pang of jealousy I get in hearing the compliment and it takes everything in me not to ask if her sister said anything about  _ me  _ because I know it would be extra to ask. Vero continues to talk before I manage to embarrass myself. 

 

“How come you call your sister Kaki?” 

 

“I couldn't pronounce my R’s when I was younger.” 

 

I look back and forth between the two with evident confusion on my face. “There isn’t an R in her name though?” I finally speak up. 

 

Sofi pauses and her eyes widen for a split second but she composes herself and shrugs before picking up her empty plate and cup. “There isn't.”

 

“Then why would…” Vero trails off as Sofi walks away to throw her plate and cup in the trash. “That doesn't make any sense,” she says quietly and I’m more than ready to let it go because I’m tired of trying to make sense of  _ anything _ . 

 

When it’s clear that I’m not up for mystery solving, Vero makes a trip to pile some empanadas on a plate for herself. We stick with Sofi for a while as she doesn’t know anyone here, Vero listening intently on all of the girl’s middle school drama. I nod along as I sit to the side, doing my best to not wallow in self pity because honestly, what are the fucking odds that Camila’s dad and sister are at my parents’ holiday party? My luck could only get worse if Camila were to actually show up. 

 

Naturally, my luck gets worse. 

 

Camila shows up, meeting my parents who are now highly suspicious of how Alejandro has never mentioned his own daughter’s name. My body feels frozen and my gaze is glued to her, my voice sounding foreign to myself when I offer to grab some food with Camila because I apparently enjoy suffering. The entire time, my mind sends telepathic messages to Vero in hopes that she’ll hurry the  _ fuck _ up from the bathroom because I’m feeling a lot of things all at once and I need her to help me get through this night. 

 

We stand together awkwardly in the kitchen as she nibbles on her food and everything feels so tense. It almost physically  _ hurts _ just to look at Camila but it’s hard not to stare when she insists on being so beautiful. I give her a quick onceover and I immediately regret it, the neckline of her shirt riding low enough to give me clear sightlines of her tattoo. Tiny neat letters spelling  _ Lauren _ , mocking me in plain cruelty. 

 

There’s a part of me that decides to be the one that breaks the ice and I probably should’ve put more thought into that because I’m starting conversation with “Small world, huh?” 

 

Camila scrunches her nose before giving me a stiff smile and I mentally smack myself. “Yeah, kind of crazy how we ended bumping into each other again.

 

I at least catch myself from saying that it’s almost like fate. 

 

“Lauren!” Vero’s voice calls out to me and I see her rushing towards me when I turn my head and I almost breathe out ‘finally.’ She visibly slows down when she sees Camila and makes a poor attempt at acting casual when she stops to stand next to me. 

 

“Hey, I know you,” Vero says to Camila much the same way she said it to Sofi. 

 

Camila quickly swallows the food she's chewing and gives Vero a smile. “I know you too,” she laughs a little and I hate how much the sound makes me feel. 

 

“My little sister really liked you, said you were super funny. She even told my dad one of the jokes you made,” Camila says conversationally but I still feel that pang of jealousy from earlier and I have to stop myself from rolling my eyes because of how incredibly stupid I’m being. 

 

Vero takes kindly to the comment and grins in a charming way that she manages to pull off. I'm weirdly distressed over how Vero is doing so much better with Camila and Sofi than I could manage. 

 

“That's really cute! Sofi was with Lauren when I got here and she kept us company while I gorged on empanadas,” Vero laughs a little and Camila does the same and it almost feels like this is all just a cosmic joke the universe is playing on me but I'm the only one who doesn't get it

 

“Speaking of Sofi, I think I'm going to go find her and spend a little time with her and my dad.”

 

“Okay, no worries! Me and Lauren will be around if you want to hang out later!” 

 

I only manage to give a small smile and a weak wave as Camila walks off and Vero turns to me with a worried look.

 

“That went better than I thought?” 

 

“For you maybe, I couldn't even bring myself to say anything to her! Definitely didn't seem like she wanted me to, either.” 

 

“I think I know why,” Vero says like she's on to something.

 

“Probably because I practically threw myself onto her last week under the false assumption that her and I were meant for each other and now she feels sorry for me.” 

 

“Okay, but consider this; her name  _ is _ Karla.”

 

“What the fuck, Vero. I don't need you making a joke out of this,” I spit out at her as anger flares through me. 

 

“That's not what I'm doing, hear me out! I just finished meeting her dad while he was talking to your parents. Did you know his tattoo is blacked out?” 

 

“Yeah my mom told me about it. And I hope to God you didn't mention anything about it.”

 

“Geez Lo, I'm not an idiot.”

 

“Debatable,” I mumble under my breath. 

 

“ _ Anyways,  _ let's take a look at all the clues! Sofi couldn't say her R’s when she was younger but there aren't any R’s in Camila's name, but there  _ is _ in Karla. Kaki makes a reasonable nickname for Karla when you consider that. And I would bet my whole paycheck that girl has commitment issues out the ass after seeing her dad lose her mom. She probably just goes by Camila for self preservation.” 

 

Vero looks almost proud of herself but I only stare with an incredulous look because conspiracy theories looked crazy on everybody.

 

“You got that from all _ two _ of your clues?” I scoff. “That was such a stretch, Vero.”

 

“Then how do you explain all those feelings you had when you saw her? Literally something inside you said ‘That's her, that’s my person.’ That has to count for _something_ , Lauren.” She grips my shoulders and looks at me pleadingly, seeming to wholeheartedly believe this and God do I want to believe it too.

 

I'm only able to stare back at her as I try not to get ahead of my thoughts and drown myself in false hope.

 

“Okay, so let's say there's a chance this is true. She just doesn't want to be soulmates then? I can't make her want me, Vero.”

 

“No, you idiot you're missing the whole point! All she is is scared.”

 

“Then what I’m supposed to do? How do you stop someone from being scared?” My voice is small and exactly how I feel.

  
“You be the brave one,” she gives me an encouraging look and we stay still for a minute while I attempt to process everything. 

 

If I’m being honest, there’s already a part of me that believes Vero. The part of me that recognized Camila, the part of me that  _ knew _ it was her. So I convince myself that this could be true and maybe things could work out, because even if it isn’t and the worst thing to come out of it is that nothing changes and me and Camila still don’t end up together. 

 

I don’t have much to lose, right?

 

* * *

 

Turns out I had a lot to lose.

 

Vero and I had taken to pacing around the house, partly trying to find Camila alone and partly trying to figure out how to approach the subject of ‘hey did you lie to me about your name.’ I end up literally bumping into Camila while trying to squeeze between a couple and a doorway. 

 

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry,” Camila frantically breathes out. “Oh Lauren, it’s you. I’m sorry about that, I couldn’t see where I was going.”

 

“It’s fine,” I assure her with an uneven breath. “I wasn’t really looking either.”

 

She nods and I feel myself grasping at straws for something else to say, my mouth opening and closing like a fish.    
  
“Hey again Camila,” Vero cuts in, having noticed my struggle.  “Are you enjoying the party?”   
  
“Yeah, the food is really good and everyone here is so nice. Sofi’s already made a couple of friends which is great.”

 

“That’s really cool, I only ever come here for the empanadas. Clara makes the best, but don’t tell my mom that,’ Vero jokes and they share a laugh. I watch in frustration because I can’t even  _ speak _ to Camila, let alone confront her with anything. I berate myself while they continue to talk.

 

“So is Vero short for Veronica?”

 

“Uh, yeah. Why do you ask?”   
  
“Oh I just-” Camila clears her throat. “I was wondering because I noticed your tattoo said Lucia. This girl in my creative writing class, she goes by Lucy but her name is Lucia and the tattoo on her ankle says Veronica so that’s why I asked because it’s probably not coincidence, you know? I figured I’d ask to make sure and I’m talking a lot right now so I’m going to stop,” her voice trails off and she starts to blush, not making eye contact with either me or Vero, who is currently on the edge of losing her shit. 

 

“Wait, are you serious? Where do you go to school? Do you think you could introduce us? Oh my god, do you think she’d like me?” Vero says this all in one breath and I smirk at her excitement.   
  
Camila giggles at her excitement, relaying all the information Vero needs to know. If I were paying more attention I might have noticed the irony of the situation, of Camila being the one to help Vero find her soulmate. 

 

It's when Vero gets sucked into stalking Lucy’s social media that I finally get myself to speak up. 

 

“Small world, huh?” 

 

Just call me Lauren Jauregui, queen of icebreakers.

 

I'm mentally slapping myself until I see Camila give me a tiny smile, but this time it's genuine and makes my heart do that thing where it beats too fast. 

 

I can't tear my eyes away from her, she even stares back until a deep voice pulls me out of my trance. 

 

“Mija, I've been looking for you,” Alejandro states as he stands before us with a sleeping Sofi hanging off of him.

 

“I'm going to take Sofi home now since she's clearly tired. I’ll just see you at home, okay?”   
  
“Yeah, I’ll probably leave soon too,” Camila nods, leaning up to kiss Alejandro on his cheek, who in turns kisses the top of her head as he makes his way to leave. I smile at the exchange until I realize she said she’ll be leaving. I squeak when I feel a pinch on my arm, snapping my head to Vero who is giving me an insistent look, eyes darting to Camila. 

 

“Are you okay?” Camila questions heaving heard my squeal. Behind her, Vero is furiously moving her hands as way to motion for me to  _ do something _ . 

 

“Uh, yeah. I’ll walk you to your car?” It wasn’t meant to be a question but I couldn’t take the nervousness out of my voice and now I just hope she doesn’t turn me down. 

 

There’s a flash of uncertainty in her features before it passes and her face softens, giving me a small smile. “Okay.”

 

Vero beams at me, nodding encouragingly and putting up both her thumbs. Always my biggest cheerleader. 

 

Camila hugs Vero goodbye, making sure to keep in touch about the whole Lucy situation, and we find my parents so she can thank them on her way out. All too soon we’re already approaching her car and I hadn’t even realized until she thanks me for walking with her. 

 

“No worries,” I tell her. The air isn’t as humid as it usually is and I idly wish that I had invited her to take a walk with me. 

 

“It was nice seeing you again, Lauren. Your parents are super sweet and Vero is, uh, very entertaining,” she grins at me and I bite my lip at the flustered feeling it gives me. 

 

“Yeah, she’s definitely...something.”

 

“Definitely,” she softly agrees before bringing her keys out and reaching for her car door and I nearly panic. 

 

“Wait!” I step forward, my arms reaching for her and she freezes at my outburst, concern written all over her face. 

 

“Is everything okay?”

 

“I just-” I hesitate, wringing my hands together and letting out a shaky breath because I have no idea what I’m supposed to be doing, so I let words tumble out of my mouth without considering them. “Before you go, can I try something?” 

 

I look into Camila’s eyes and she notices how I’ve closed the distance between us, her body still stiff and her gaze avoiding my own. 

 

“Lauren, I don’t think we should-”

 

“Please,” I whisper. “Let me just try.” 

 

I’m completely in her space now, looking down at her while she’s staring at my lips and after a few moments she gives me the smallest of nods, which is all I need to brings our mouths together, hands falling to gently hold her sides. 

 

A lot of time in the last week has been spent thinking about what kissing Camila is like and none of what I imagined was anything like this. Her kiss is soft and inviting and oddly familiar, her warmth drawing me in. If I wasn’t sure about what I felt when I first saw her, I’m completely sure about what I feel now that I’m kissing her. The dizzying sensation of finally kissing Camila doesn’t last when the shorter girl places her hands on my shoulders and I instinctively lean in until I feel her slowly push me away. 

 

When I pull back in confusion, her eyes are still closed, brows knit together and her lips set in a frown while my heart is nearly pounding with adrenaline. 

 

“We shouldn’t have done that,” she murmurs. 

 

I could’ve guessed that this would happen but it doesn’t take away the sting out of hearing it. 

 

“And why not,  _ Karla?” _

 

Brown eyes snap open and glare at me, their warm body taking a step back. 

 

“Who told you that?”   
  
I hesitate because there isn’t any denial of my words. “It was an educated guess.”   
  
“Do enlighten me then,” her tone is challenging and I nearly wither at the sound of it. 

 

“Sofi said she calls you Kaki because she couldn’t say her R’s when she was younger but there aren’t any R’s in your name-”

 

“And that’s what brought you to the conclusion of my name being Karla?” Camila cuts me off with a disbelieving tone, arms now crossed as she stares at me hard. 

 

“I- I also saw your dad’s tattoo-” I stutter.  

 

“God what did you think was going to happen, Lauren? You come out here and remind me my mom’s gone, have me fall in love with you so I can lose you down the road too?” Her voice cracks and so does my heart because this isn’t how I meant for anything to happen. She runs a hand through her hair, completely distressed and I feel my eyes stinging as tears form. 

 

“Did you consider that there’s a reason I didn’t want you to know my fucking name?” 

 

“I know you’re scared,” I say meekly. 

 

“Of course I’m scared. I’m  _ terrified _ , Lauren. And there’s nothing that can change that because you can’t promise me anything.”

 

“That’s no way to live- not letting yourself be happy just because something bad might happen.”

 

“I’m happy on my own, I don’t need anyone to complete me. I’m my own fucking person.”

 

“That’s not what I’m saying and you know it, Camila!” 

 

Her mouth snaps shut and I inhale deeply to control myself. “I don’t intend on going anywhere.”   
  
“Neither did my mom,” she sighs. “You can’t promise me that something won’t happen to you.”

  
“And you can’t be sure that something will,” I counter back, effectively shutting her up. There’s a few moments of silence, where she simply looks at me pensively and I almost believe that I could convince her. The sliver of hope is gone when all she says is ‘I have to go,’ pushing past me to get into her car and I can’t find it in myself to stop her.     
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi this was long overdue and I'm sorry if you were ever wanting an update that would mend your heart about this because this chapter was clearly not it. BUT! it will be happening!!
> 
> remember that it's also on wattpad! under @taller-smol
> 
> love you :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can read this on wattpad too! just FYI 
> 
> @taller-smol

**CAMILA**

 

**11:47 PM**

 

I miss two turns on the way home. I make it back in a daze and everything about me feels numb and heavy at the same time. I try to push away the memory of Lauren kissing me, of me wanting to fall into her, of me kissing back. It's hard when I can still feel her lips on mine if I close my eyes long enough. A couple minutes pass before I realize I'm already parked in my driveway and it takes a lot for me to finally get out of the car.

 

I don't notice the light is on from outside and it doesn't register that my dad has been waiting for me at the kitchen table until his voice breaks through the harsh silence of the house.

 

“Mija, you're already back?”

 

I shrug. “I said I would leave a little bit after you and I did. And now I'm home and wanting to sleep.”

 

I hope that my clipped tone makes it clear to my dad that I don't want to continue this conversation. He's always insisted on ignoring things like that.

 

“So you and Lauren didn't…” there's an almost wishful lilt to his voice and it grates my nerves. It shouldn't, and I know that. But it does anyways.

 

“Didn't what? Didn't ride off into the night after buying into the idea of being together forever? No, can’t say that we did.” My tone is sarcastic and straight up bitchy but I can't bring myself to take it back. He just sighs, leaning back in his chair. A few moments pass before he responds.

 

“I didn’t want to push it before because we both knew the chances of you finding Lauren were so small, it was a non-issue. But now, things are different-”

 

“Nothing’s different. Things aren’t changing. Her and I won’t be together.”

 

“Honestly, mija you’re being silly,” he admonishes.

 

“You think it’s silly that I don’t want to be a shell of a person-”  
  
“That’s not going to happen-”  
  
“It’s what happened to _you_!”

 

My outburst is loud and unforgiving and everything I don’t mean to be. There’s silence and there’s parts of me that want to reach out and take back each word I’ve said because today has been too much and so have I. My dad takes my words as a slap to the face and the way he looks pained almost makes me wish I didn’t mean what I said. But I do- and I know that it comes from an angry place in my heart where I’m fifteen again and resent my dad for making me feel like I wasn’t enough reason to try really _living_ again.

 

I clench my jaw and my eyes are set because I’ve done too much already to back down. We’re left staring at each other while my dad seems to consider his next words carefully.

 

“Losing Sinu took a very large on toll on me,” he starts slowly. I bite my tongue and resist the urge to roll my eyes because it took a pretty huge fucking toll on me too. “She was one of the most important people in my life.”

 

“She wasn’t the _only_ person in your life, papi!” I had thought I was all cried out until there’s a familiar sting in my eyes as they brim with tears and I know I don’t need to but I raise my voice anyways because I can’t stop myself.

 

“I was here! I was here asking all the babysitters when you would get home while you buried yourself in your work so you didn’t have to come back to an empty bed. I was here needing someone to tell me how to handle my first day of highschool, and how to study for exams, and what to do when your friends don’t understand what the _fuck_ it’s like to lose your mom. I was here when Sofi learned to walk and talk and when she learned to read. And then when she started school and when she got invited to her first slumber party and the first time she realized other kids are mean. I was here for _all_ of it!”

 

My voice is hoarse and it cracks at the end and it’s a lot like how the rest of me feels. I angrily wipe away at the tears that stream down my face and they’re immediately replaced by more. A choked sob makes it past my lips and I hate how much I’ve heard that today.

 

“I- I didn’t realize,” my dad stutters with shock evident on his face as if this is the first time he’s seeing me. “I know things were hard for you too, but I didn’t know it was anything like _that_.”

 

I can only scoff.

 

“You always told me you’d take more hours at work so you can provide better for me and Sof.” I sadly shake my head at the memories of asking my dad why he was always so busy.

 

“Yeah you'd make time to tuck us in and maybe have breakfast with us but you didn't stay long, always ‘needed more hours.’ You provided just fine, we weren’t tight on money and you knew that.” I let out a shaky breath, my voice small and broken.

 

“I just needed you to be there.”

 

He makes a move to stand and I flinch, taking a step back.

 

“Don’t,” I say softly. “Please just...don’t.”

 

“Mija please,” he tries.

 

“No,” I tell him firmly, disregarding how out of control I feel. “You wanna tell me how you’re sorry? Probably wanna tell me how I don’t get it and how I couldn’t _really_ understand. Fine, I forgive you. But don’t give me that cop out- that there’s no way I could understand. Because losing mami ended up with me losing you too.” I swallow thickly as I try not to grit my teeth.

 

“And that is something I know you couldn’t really understand.”

 

A voice in the back of my mind is cursing at me, disappointed and furious at how I handled this. It insists that I apologize but I really don't want to. Instead I turn to the stairs because I’m suffocating between every word that’s settled in the air between me and my dad.

 

When I reach my old room my eyes wander over the walls, taking in all the posters and the pictures pinned up. I remember every attempt I made to take down the pictures of my mom because it hurt too much to see her be reduced to a corner of a corkboard and a few frames in my room. But it hurt more to take them down, seemingly not caring to put in the effort in remembering her.  

 

I take a deep breath, flexing my fingers as I tell myself not to rip down everything on this wall. Then I count to ten when anger starts to well up inside me and my hands turn into fists, mulling over the idea of punching _anything_. So much time was spent making up excuses for my dad because I could see how devastated he was. Everything he did was so that he didn't have to think about the wife he lost.

 

Bitterly I wonder how often he thought about the daughters he still had.

 

With a frustrated groan, I run my hands through my hair when my fingers start to dig too hard into my palms. I hear footsteps come up the stairs and grow anxious when they seem to reach my door, tensing when I anticipate the knock.

 

It doesn't come.

 

There's a flash of guilt that's overcome with relief when I hear the footsteps walk away and I let my body relax. Communication is always important, but I know I've said enough today. I try not to dwell on any of what I said, not wanting to face the reality of everything having hit the fan.

 

Everything from the day seems to catch up to my body and I’m suddenly feeling exhausted, my body heavy and my movement slow. I throw myself onto the bed and let my eyes drift close, hoping for a peaceful night’s sleep to end the shit show of a day I’ve had.

 

* * *

 

**3:10 AM**

 

My exhaustion doesn't help in getting me any real rest as I'm tossing and turning in bed after having woken up a second time already. I reach for my phone and groan when I notice the time, giving up on the thought that I could get any sleep tonight. With an aggravated sigh I quietly walk out of my room, careful not to make any noise as I descend the stairs.

 

I pour myself a glass of water despite being not at all thirsty. My eyelids feel heavy and if I allow them to stay closed for long enough I can almost feel Lauren’s lips on mine again. And if I keep them closed for even longer I can remember the look of desperation on her face as I pulled away. If my mind listens hard enough I can even hear the way her voice breaks as she tries to convince me to stay.

 

Something wet slides down my face and when my fingertips touch my cheek is when I realized I've started crying. A moment after is when I register that my heart hurts and my body aches. I don't let myself listen to my thoughts because they all call for Lauren.

 

“Kaki?”

 

My eyes dart open and my head whips around to the doorway to find Sofi in her pajamas and wrapped in her favorite blanket. Hastily, I wipe away at my tears with the back of my hand and attempt to play it off.

 

“Hey nena,” I cringe at how hoarse my voice sounds. “What are you doing up?”

 

She shrugs before taking a seat at the table. “I couldn't sleep so I went to your room but you weren't there. I thought you left.”

 

Her voice is so small and there's a pang in my chest in knowing she'd think I would leave.

 

“I didn't mean to worry you Sofi, I just couldn't sleep either and I thought drinking some water might have helped.”

 

“You didn't drink any of it though.”

 

I quickly look down at my still full glass and falter before turning back to her. “Why can't you seem to sleep?”

 

Sofi seems apprehensive to tell me, no longer looking at me, her eyes instead focused on her hands as she fidgets with her blanket. She offers me a weak shrug and remains quiet. I'm crouching next to her after a few quick strides and placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.

 

“Sofi, baby. What's wrong?”

 

She turns to face me and her lips quiver while her eyes look so...scared?

 

“Do you hate dad?” Her words are barely above a whisper but they nearly knock me to the floor anyways. My jaw drops and I can only stare at her for a few moments. I sigh in destination when I begin to understand what's going on.

 

“You heard all of that between me and him, huh?”

 

Sofi gives me a small nod.

 

“I heard your car pull up and when you came in, I wanted to ask you how the party went but then you and dad started talking,” she averts her gaze from me back to her hands, seeming unsure on if she should continue. Her hands fidgeting with the blanket again.

 

“I stayed by the stairs and listened.”

 

“It's not good to eavesdrop, Sof,” I tell her softly, holding no weight to the scolding. Guilt washes over me when I consider what everything looks like to her. I watch as her lip quivers and her hands fiddle with her blanket even more. I reach up to gently turn her face towards me, my features softening when I see tears brimming in her eyes.

 

“I don’t hate dad, Sofi. I just-” I pause as I struggle for what to say. I inhale deeply and consider my words carefully. “I’ve been angry. And I’ve been angry for a really long time, as much as I wanted to say I wasn’t.”

 

“Angry at papi?”

 

“Yeah, angry at papi.” What I say is honest but does nothing to make me feel better when I know that they’re not what my sister wants to hear. Instinctively, I stroke her cheek with my thumb in attempt to soften the blow of my words.

 

“He didn’t mean to do all those things. He was hurting,” Sofi’s voice holds remorse that she has no place taking responsibility for.

 

I mean to assure her that I understand that he was hurting. Instead I say “I was hurting too.”

 

I let my hand fall to my side, no longer holding her face as realization dawns on her.

 

“Because you lost mami too,” she whispers with conviction and I think she finally gets it. There are tears in my eyes again and I don’t bother wiping away at them when they fall.

 

“Yeah,” I croak out. “I lost mami too.”

 

Small arms encircle me and I almost fall, still crouching next to Sofi as she hugs me. I wrap my own arms around her, holding her tight as I try to stop both of our crying.

 

“It’s okay, Sof. You don’t have to cry about it. Me and papi are going to be okay, we’ll figure things out. It’s probably about time I stop being angry him, honestly.” I feel her nod and pull back to wipe away at the wet streaks on her face.

 

“Is this why you won’t be with Lauren? Because you’re angry with papi still?”

My whole body stiffens and I clench my jaw, caught off guard with the direction this conversation took. “Nena, It’s a little more complicated than that.”

 

“How is it complicated?”  
  
A mix of annoyance and guilt addle my mind and I take a moment to respond and untangle our limbs to look at Sofi fully. “I just think it’s a little more than you’d understand.”

The younger girl completely throws me off when her features suddenly take on a look of anger. “What’s there to not understand, Kaki? You act like you don’t want to be with Lauren so you don’t risk losing her the way dad lost mami. But that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard!”

 

It seems that she’s regained her voice, all softness totally gone.

 

“Excuse me?” I’m too taken aback to come up with anything better.

 

“It’s stupid, Kaki and you know it! You’re being a dumbass about this.”

 

My eyes widen at her outburst while my jaw drops.

 

“ _Language_ , Sofia.” I say through gritted teeth, doing my best to remain patient with this tantrum my sister seems to be having.

 

“Fine,” she says defiantly. “ _Creo que eres una pendeja_.”

 

I cannot believe-

 

I’m suddenly standing, shocked at the nerve my sister has in saying these things to me.

 

“What the _fuck_ , Sofi?” I don’t mind my own word choice because it’s clearly nothing she hasn’t already heard. “Where is all of this coming from?”

“I’m just trying to help you be happy!”

“Then you’re not understanding what would make me happy because I seem to keep having to have this conversation.”

 

“Lauren could make you happy though,” she insists.

 

“You’re missing the point-”

 

“What point? That you don’t want to end up losing her the way dad lost mami? Isn’t this the same thing? You know she’s here and you’re choosing not to be with her. You already lost her.”

 

I take a step back, stunned silent at the words that she’s throwing in my face.

 

“We learned about this in language arts,” Sofi presses forward. “You’re ending up exactly where you didn’t want to be, what you’ve been trying to avoid for so long. It’s called _irony_.”

 

Staring with my mouth hanging open is all I seem to be able to do with no idea of how I’m supposed to respond to any of this. Later when I get over myself, I’ll realize that she’s right and that she’s a lot smarter than anyone gives her credit for. I’m not ready to admit any of this though, instead my mind lashes out and I refuse to give up on the idea that I don’t want Lauren in my life.

 

There's a beat of silence between us and I'm mentally wishing that this could be the end, that I'm finally done talking about this.

 

“Mami would have at least wanted you to try,” Sofi adds quietly, tentatively, like she’s not sure she should’ve said that.

 

If I weren’t so emotionally charged, it would’ve been exactly what I needed to hear. But right now I’m reeling at everything else Sofi’s said to me, indignant and disbelieving of every single thing she’s said because she’s right and she definitely should not have finished it all off with _that_.

 

With no more fight left in me, I turn on my heel and leave Sofi in the kitchen as I head for the stairs. I want to stomp my feet and I want to scream and I want to be angry. But it’s late and I’m tired from fighting with Sofi, and fighting with my dad, and fighting with Lauren. I think most of all I’m tired of fighting with myself as I constantly deny myself of every opportunity to be okay.

 

Angrily, I run my hands through my hair, tugging a bit as I try to calm my breathing. I stopped paying attention to the tears that stream down my face, instead putting all my effort in just making it to my room, making sure to lock my door. I curl up in bed and I let my soft sobs lull me to sleep.

 

* * *

 

I remember starting school after we moved to the states. Excitement poured out of my tiny body as I practically bounced off the walls because everything was so _new_ and it all seemed so nice and I believed my mom every morning when she said I’d have a great day before kissing the top of my head and waving at me as the bus took me to school.

 

I was six years old, my English wasn’t the best and my accent was still so thick.

 

At six years old, I didn’t consider what going to a school with so many... _gringos_ would have meant for me. I hadn’t realized how mean other kids could be when they didn’t understand you or how small you could feel when you were left out because you couldn’t speak well enough to include yourself.

 

The second of week of school I refused to go, staying under the covers and preparing what to say to my mom when she asked me what I was still doing in bed.

 

 _“Los_ _niños en mi clase...son groseros,”_ I had told her, struggling to get the words out as tears formed in my eyes along with a lump in my throat.

 

It took a few tries to finally admit to my mom “ _the kids at school make fun of me. I’m not as smart as them. My english isn’t good enough.”_  Looking back on it I realize how easy it was for me to translate all of those things to mean that _I_ wasn’t good enough and I understand now why my mom reacted so strongly.

 

 _“It is not your fault they can’t understand you! They’re not any smarter just because they can only speak to themselves. You are smart enough to understand me_ and _them. Maybe sometimes you have to try a little harder but they are_ not _better than you.”_

 

I wiped away at my tears and nodded my head, unable to say anything else.

 

“ _They are small minded. Do not let that convince you that you are small.”_

 

A tiny nod was all I gave in response.

 

_“You won’t always be number one, but I always want you to try. Okay, mija?”_

 

“ _Yes mami_ ,” I sniffled, my voice still small.

 

“ _Lo prometes?”_

 

_“Lo prometo.”_

 

I remember when my mom was three weeks away from her due date and for my birthday I asked her to teach me how to be a good big sister. I had just turned 11 and I foolishly worried about being too grown up for my soon-to-arrive baby sister. (I haven't completely grown out of my childishness so you can see how that was a foolish thought.)

 

“ _Mami, what if she doesn't like me?”_ I had fussed before another thought had struck me and I gasp.

 

“ _Mami what if I don't like_ her _!”_ She laughed loudly with crinkles in her eyes, smiling even harder when she noticed the all too serious look on my face.

 

 _“Baby, you just asked me to teach you how to be a good sister. You already love her. I promise it won’t be hard.”_  
_  
_ “How do you know? What if I mess up and she hates me!?”

 

I remember my mom giving a look to my dad who watched us from the doorway and I still wonder what it meant.

 

 _“Wanna know a secret?”_  I nodded eagerly and leaned in really close so she could whisper to me.

 

_“You’re going to mess up- in everything. And it’s okay to mess up sometimes so long as you learn from it. You have to always try and do good, okay?”_

 

 _“Kay,”_ I said quietly.

 

_“So you’re going to always try and be a good sister, right Karla?”_

 

 _“Yes mami,”_ I agreed dutifully.

 

_“Lo prometes?”_

 

_“Lo prometo.”_

 

I remember being nine years old and asking my mom if it’s okay that I like girls. Her and dad have known my tattoo says _Lauren_ and they’ve never asked about it. I wasn’t sure if people just didn’t talk about it or if they didn’t want to acknowledge it. So I asked.

 

 _“Is it okay that my person is Lauren?”_  
  
I could tell my question didn’t make sense to my mom because she looked at me for a long time. Maybe it just seemed really long at the time.

 

_“Of course it’s fine, baby. Why wouldn’t it be?”_

 

And for a minute they don’t

 

 _“BecauseLaurenisagirl.”_  I breathed out and I can remember how my voice trembled and I couldn’t look her in the eye. My mom simply reached over and brought me into her arms, holding me close and kissing the top of my head. There wasn’t any reason to cry, but I teared up anyways. 

 

_“And all of your friends in school have boys as their person?”_

 

I only nodded, having hid my face as I hugged her back.

 

 _“Mija, listen. You don’t choose who you love.  There is nothing wrong with yours being Lauren and don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.”_ She had said it with such conviction and held me so tight, I questioned what I worried about in the first place.

 

“ _Are Lauren’s parents okay that I’m her person?”_

 

My mom just kissed my head again. “ _The universe chose her for you. And the universe isn’t wrong. So Lauren being a girl doesn't make her being your person wrong.”_  

 

I recall how securely my mom held onto me and how my tiny arms wrapped tightly around her to stay close, hoping her embrace would squeeze out the rest of my insecurities.

 

It didn’t. And suddenly I’m asking her

 

“ _Do you think I’m right for Lauren?”_  My words were muffled as they got lost in my mother’s shirt, but she pulled back to look me in the eye. I knew she knew what I meant. It wasn’t about me and Lauren both being girls anymore, it was about me being enough for Lauren. At nine years old it was too early for me to worry about things like that but that unfortunately didn’t stop me.

 

 _“Do you want to be?”_ my mom asked me simply, as if that was the only thing that could get in the way of anything.

 

I nodded furiously, my mouth having formed a thin line in determination. She just smiled back at me and brushed my hair behind my ear with her hand. I remember how soft her voice was and how sure she was of what she said.

 

 _“Well you’re already doing a pretty good job considering you’re her person and everything,”_ she teasingly pinched my cheek and gave me an encouraging smile. It made me giggle and eased the tension in my small body.

 

 _“You won’t believe how easy it is, though,”_ she continued. _“All you have to do is just try.”_  
_  
_ “ _Try what?_ ”

 

_“Try to be right for her. So long as you're always trying, then you'll be right for her.”_

 

The reassuring smile my mother gave me was almost convincing enough to have me think that maybe it was actually that easy. But I was sure that there had to be more to it, that there was still a secret to figure out.

 

All I managed to say was a soft _‘okay_.’

 

_“Lo prometes?”_

 

_“Lo prometo.”_

 

With a sigh I pull myself out of my thought and finally get out of bed, stretching and groaning as I prepare all of the apologies I’ll be doling out today.

 

* * *

 

  **LAUREN**

 

**11:47 AM**

 

Vero Iglesias is one of the best friends anyone could ever ask for. And I really, truly mean that.

 

I would also like to strangle her. And I really, truly mean that.

 

She lasted about three days before breaking like a dam, talking nonstop about Lucy. Camila had introduced them with a not at all suspicious intro line of “Hey Lucy, Vero was super interested in your thesis about the negative environmental effects of the patriarchy. You two would probably be great friends.”

 

Vero specifically held off on bringing up anything soulmate related, not wanting to have that conversation with Lucy over text. Instead, she’s already setting aside money to fly up to North Carolina to visit Lucy at university. And I promise, I’m happy for her. But at the same time she sucks because she literally found her soulmate through _mine_ yet I’m not even on speaking terms with Camila.

 

But now it’s been 6 days since the disastrous run-in with Camila at my parents’ holiday party and of course, she’s all I can think about. Not that I’ve really thought about anything else since meeting her, it’s just worse now. Because she’s here and she’s technically mine she just...doesn’t want to be.

 

On the surface, I was hurt. Of course I was hurt, rejection from the one person everyone looks forward to meeting is kind of a really shitty feeling. I tried to remind myself of Camila’s reasons, tried to keep in mind that she’s scared. And I’m at a loss of what I’m supposed to do, torn between respecting Camila’s wishes and going after her anyways. If I let myself think about it, below the surface, I so desperately want to be angry. I want to scream and I want to yell about how selfish she’s being, how her trying to preserve her heart was only breaking mine.

 

I want to hate her.

 

Vero doesn’t let me though, constantly telling me to remember where Camila is coming from, how hard this would be for her to get over. But she insists that Camila will come around, that she wasn’t expecting me to actually show up in her life. She bets Camila probably guessed she would never find me, so she never had to worry about me. Admittedly it makes sense, but it doesn’t take away the sting of rejection.

 

None of this is made any easier with my best friend trying to act as if I’m not completely heartbroken over all of this.

 

“Do you really think I need to be stalking her Instagram? I don’t need to keep pining after her,” I do my best to keep the bite out of my tone.

 

“But you do! You gotta keep your eye on the prize, Laur.”  

 

I turn away from her, my eyes rolling as I resume wiping down tables. The diner is empty and I’m running out of things to pretend to be doing- meanwhile Vero makes use of the free time by stalking Camila’s social media.

 

“Do she got the booty?” I hear Vero ask, I try not to acknowledge her because I know she’ll-

 

“She dooooooooo-”

 

“Vero!” I snap at her, twisting my body around to face her. “Look, I really appreciate this whole attempt at making light of things but I’m going to be honest and say it sucks. It really really fucking sucks because she’s had her mind made up about this- about _me_ for years. She doesn’t want to be with me or with anyone and I can’t do anything to change her mind. So can we please just-” I close my eyes and pinch the bridge of my nose. “Can we please just drop it?”

 

A minute of silence passes between us and I want to breathe out a sigh of relief but I see the conflicted look on her face, replaced with an apologetic look.

 

“I can’t let you give up on her,” she says quietly.

 

I feel anger rush through me and there’s an urge to slam my fists, yell at Vero how Camila doesn’t want me and how it’s a lost cause and how we should all just fucking. Let. It. Go. Then I’m hit with a wave of exhaustion because all of this is so genuinely tiring and I am simply out of energy.

 

“Why not?” I sigh deeply. The tiredness evident in my voice.

 

“You just need to give her some time-”

 

“I’ve given her time,” I insist.

 

“Laur, it hasn’t even been a week. She needs more than that to figure out how to face all of this. She wasn’t expecting you, let her come to you on her own time.”

 

“Why are you taking her side?! I’m your best friend and I got my heart stomped on and you’re telling me ‘she’ll come around,’ ” I erupt.

 

“How are you so sure? ” There’s a little desperation in my voice because if Vero has answers, I would really like to know them. She averts her eyes from me though, faltering in her previously confident stance.

 

“I just have a feeling about this, okay? Can you trust me and wait just a little bit longer?” Vero asks me imploringly. I narrow my eyes at her, skeptical of her blind faith in Camila. She doesn’t know what it’s like to feel literal love of your life leave your arms and be left to watch her drive away. And I don’t want to waste my time trying to get her to understand.

 

“Whatever,” I respond with a clipped tone, effectively ending the conversation.

 

Vero walks away to tend to a couple that’s walked in and I make my to the kitchen, allowing myself a few minutes to gather myself. I take a few deep breaths, willing away the tears that well in my eyes and step back out. Knowing the lunch rush is about to hit, I chastise myself to get my shit together, trying my best to focus on the next few hours I have to spend at work.

 

* * *

 

**6:48 PM**

 

The rest of my shift goes without incident, though the tension between me and Vero is at an all time high (we rarely ever fight). If our manager notices anything, she doesn’t say anything. Neither does Vero, though the look on her face says she wants to. I look away before she gets the chance.

 

It’s nearing the end of the shift and I’m itching to get home, away from this tension and away from Vero’s sympathetic eyes and my manager’s questioning looks.

 

“Are you upset with me?” her voice is timid and there’s an inkling of guilt inside me and I do my best to ignore it.

 

“No, I’m just tired. I’m sorry for snapping at you,” I say easily because I don’t know how to ignore any sort of guilt I feel.

 

“I know it’s not what you want to hear, but I’m only trying to help.”

 

She is and I know that and I shouldn’t hold anything against her, but all I want help with is how to let go of all these feelings.

 

“I get it and it’ll take me sometime to really appreciate it, but it’s hard right now.”

 

Vero nods in understanding and I’m hoping we leave it at that. So of course- we don’t.

 

“I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you,” she continues. No the fuck you cannot, I mentally agree.

 

“Though I could guess that this is really hard for Camila too and I’m not trying to side with her,” she quickly defends. “I’m only trying to nudge you two along.”  

 

There’s a softness in her voice that’s so genuine and tender that it almost physically hurts to hear. I recognize now that she’s only pushing this so much because she cares and I could never fault her for that. Any and all anger that had creeped into me throughout the night, eases out of my body and I feel the tension in my shoulders release as I turn to face Vero with a tired smile.

 

“Really Vero, it’s okay.”

 

She extends her arms out to me with an exaggerated pout, urging me into her embrace. “Come here, gimme some suga’.”

 

Rolling my eyes, I feel myself grin as I step into her arms that wrap tightly around me. I hear her mumble an ‘I love you’ into my shoulder and my hold on her only tightens when I say it back.

 

“Lo?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

She hesitates for a minute.

 

“Promise you’ll at least try to wait a little a longer?”

 

I close my eyes and I consider her words, beside myself about what I want and if I’m being honest with myself then there’s no question about any of it.

 

I whisper an ‘okay’ into her hair before pulling away to finish out the rest of our shift.

 

* * *

 

**7:27 PM**

 

I miss two turns on the way home. I make it back in a daze and everything about me feels numb and heavy at the same time. It takes fifteen minutes for me to get out of my car when I park outside of my apartment complex, my thoughts edging on overwhelming.

 

Exhaustion is all I feel as I climb up the steps to reach my apartment and I’d look forward to getting some sleep if I weren’t so sure that I only have a restless night waiting for me. I’ve made it my floor and am halfway through the hall when I’m pulled out of my thoughts at the sight of a figure standing in front of my apartment door.

 

I freeze at the familiarity of them, even with their back turned to me.

 

I can only stare for who knows how long, finally noticing that there’s a phone held to her ear and watching as she begins to pace width of the hallway. My feet slowly, almost cautiously carry me forward as I (un)intentionally catch her end of the phone call.

 

“You said she’d be home by now...are you sure? Do you think something happened to her? Oh god I can’t breathe- I fucking can’t.” She runs a frantic hand through her hair and tries her best to inhale but it seems caught in her throat.

 

“Okay. Okay, yeah. She’s probably fine. I just….I need to see her, Vero,” her voice cracks and she lets out a shaky breath and it distracts me from realizing she’s on the phone with Vero of all people. I want to reach out to her, but I stay rooted where I am and my throat is suddenly dry. But I want her to see me and a small part of my mind wills her to turn around just a little more…

 

“Could you maybe text her for me? Just make sure- so I know she’s okay?” she asks in such a broken voice that I feel myself step forward, needing to bring myself closer. It’s then that she finally sees me in the midst of her pacing and her whole body stops.

 

Deep brown eyes brimming with tears meet mine and I almost reach forward to wipe them away but I hear her gasp and I can faintly hear the voice on her phone calling out her name. I can feel my heart pounding against my chest and the silence between us makes her seem farther. The hand holding up her phone falls limply to her side, her gaze never leaving mine and the quiet stretches out for longer than I can tell, until she finally decides to break through.

 

“Hi Lauren,” she says lamely and I have to swallow the lump in my throat.

 

“What are you doing here, Camila?”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is on wattpad if you wanna read it there :] 
> 
> @taller-smol

**CAMILA**

 

**7:26 PM**

 

_ [To Vero]: you said she only lives a few minutes from the diner right? _

_ [To Vero]: how much is a few, exactly?  _

_ [To Vero]: did she maybe mention running any errands after her shift?  _

 

My hands shake as I send text after text because I can't stop my mind from thinking the worst. I can't stop the panic seeping into my thoughts as anxiety sets in, telling me ‘ _ this is exactly what you were afraid of.  _

 

_ [To Vero]: are you sure you sent me the right address?  _

 

_ Incoming Call… Vero  _

 

Hastily, I swipe to answer and do my best to not notice how my fingers shake as I begin to pace the hallway. 

 

_ “Camila, please take a deep breath for me okay?”  _

 

“You said she'd be home by now,” the words tumble out of my mouth with as much tremor as my hands and I close my eyes to fight back the tears. 

 

“ _ She probably just made a detour on the way home for something.” _

 

“Are you sure? Do you think something happened to her?” The stinging in my eyes grows stronger as I hear my own question and tears threaten to spill as all possible worst case scenarios run through my mind and I almost want to puke. 

 

“Oh god I can't breathe- I fucking can't,” and I really try, seemingly unable to get air into my lungs, all of it caught in my throat. Frantically, I run my hand through my hair and resist the urge to pull it out. 

 

_ “Hey hey hey, Mila? Listen to me okay? She's probably picking something up for dinner. She's tired of the diner food but she's not really the best cook. She'll be there soon.”  _ Vero’s voice is soothing and almost entirely convincing.

 

“Okay," I relent. “Okay, yeah. She's probably fine. I just," I swallow thickly before continuing, my voice heavy with emotion. 

 

“I need to see her, Vero." 

 

_ “I promise you will. It's not too late, okay?”  _

“Could you maybe text her for me? Just make sure-” it's here that my voice breaks and I can practically feel Vero's sympathy over the phone. 

 

“So I know she's okay?" 

 

Vero responds with something like an  _ “of course” _ but I don't hear it because as I turn to continue my pacing, my eyes are met with the exact person I’m hyperventilating about. There’s a clear disconnect between my brain and my mouth because after several tense moments, the first thing out of my mouth is

 

“Hi Lauren.” 

 

Smooth. 

 

_ “ _ What are you doing here, Camila?”

 

There's a small part of me that registers the question and responds accordingly with an ‘ _ ouch _ ’ but it’s drowned out by the rest of my body screaming  _ ‘she’s here and she's fine.’ _

 

I vaguely hear Vero calling out my name and I bring my phone to my ear just long enough for me to mumble out “I'll call you back.” 

 

Tears blur my vision as I step forward but I can still see the way Lauren's body tenses and I hesitate. 

 

“Camila," Lauren says much softer this time. "What are you doing here? “ 

 

“Can I just-” my hands slowly reach out to her and she eyes me warily but doesn't bat me away. “Will you let me?” 

 

She doesn't seem to understand the question but she nods anyways. I just  _ need _ to make sure. 

 

With trembling hands, I allow my fingers to ghost over her cheeks and along her jaw until I reach her shoulder and I can be certain that she's solid and breathing beneath my fingertips. Lauren watches me with questioning eyes and I release a breath that I feel like I've been holding for eleven years. 

 

“I was scared it wasn't really you,” I barely whisper, gaze never leaving her face. Realization dawns on her and the tears in my eyes finally spill over. 

 

Her hand reaches for me and it looks as if she leans in, but she stops herself and lets her hands fall back to her sides. I understand her intent though, and wipe away at the tears myself. 

 

“I had like four different apologies ready for when I saw you,” I blurt out, my voice sounding strained from crying. “And I had this entire fucking monologue explaining why I couldn't handle being with you-” 

 

Lauren's face falls and I scramble to recover. 

 

“Not that I don't want to because  _ god  _ do I want to.” There's a flicker of something between apprehension and hope in her eyes and I keep my fingers crossed that I won't mess this up any more than I already have. 

 

“I’m just scared. And I've been scared for a really  _ really  _ long time but I've never had to deal with it because I honestly didn't think I'd ever find you.” 

 

Cautiously, I take a step closer and I'm thankful that she lets me. 

 

“I'm still terrified, Lauren.” My voice is as small as I feel and I have trouble looking anywhere but her eyes. “Because I wasn't ready for you. So I'm probably going to be scared for a long time. Like, a  _ while _ .”

 

Lauren nods in understanding with a deep frown. “Yeah I get it,” she croaks out as if she's on the verge of crying and she stares at the ground as her jaw clenches. Before I know what I’m doing, I’m gently cupping her face so that her eyes meet mine and I almost break down at how fucking _ sad _ they are. 

 

“Look, me being scared isn’t going to go away overnight. But I do want to be with you, literally so fucking much. When you kissed me it was all I wanted and it took a lot out of me to stop and I hated myself for walking away. I've been angry at myself since then because I  _ know _ that I shouldn't have and Sofi and my dad enjoy reminding me that I shouldn't have and it makes me feel like shit but I really needed it to convince me to reach out to Vero and finally work on fixing things with you. So now I'm here at your apartment and...rambling.”

 

Everything leaves me in one breath and it has my chest feeling tight as my hands fall to my side. There's the faintest quirk in the corner of her mouth and I could've sworn it looked like a smile. I'm left just staring at her lips and missing the way they pressed so softly against mine the other night. 

 

“I have a lot to work on but I know I want be with you and I-” I take a sharp breath to steady myself. 

 

“I want to try- I  _ promise _ I'll try.”

 

Hoping I'd be met with relief, I’m instead staring into green eyes filled with uncertainty and her hesitation causes the silence to stretch between us. Tearing her eyes away from me, she bites just the corner of her lip as she seems to lose herself in thought. I begin to wring my hands together and I swallow around the lump in my throat. 

 

“Please let me try,” I whisper in a last ditch effort to convince Lauren. The desperation must be evident in my voice because her eyes snap back to mine and she regards me with something I can't quite recognize. 

 

I'm taken aback when she carefully wipes away the tears stilled stained on my cheeks but I do my best to give her an appreciative smile. It probably looks more like a grimace than anything. If she notices, I can't tell.

 

“Come inside with me? And we can talk about everything?” Lauren offers softly and I can't quite read her tone. It only worries me a little but I nod my head because I'm not letting this chance go. No matter how terrifying the prospect of talking about _ everything _ is. 

 

\-- 

 

It doesn't really register that Lauren is walking me through her apartment and sitting me down on her couch. I'm not realizing that I'm still sniffling when she sits next to me, crossing her legs like a pretzel while I hug mine to my body. I busy myself with taking in every detail of Lauren’s apartment. The furniture is minimal but cozy, art on the wall that’s only a little crooked, a couple journals on her coffee table with pens and brushes alongside it. 

 

This is only a small part of what Lauren is really like that I’m learning about and I’m already antsy for more. 

 

“When did you start going by Camila?”

 

I whip my head around to be met with green eyes, still unreadable and her features remain neutral. 

 

“When I started high school,” I respond quietly. 

 

“Your teachers didn’t ask you about it?”

 

“Every single one of them did. In freshman year I would just tell them when they did roll call and they’d give me a weird look before going onto the next person. But then all my classmates would ask and they’d tell me why I’m making a mistake.”

 

I see Lauren look at me with sympathy and it almost looks like she wants to say something, but her mouth remains shut so I continue.  

 

“By sophomore year I had enough forethought to speak to all my teachers before classes started so they could make note in their roster for me. They just asked more questions when I told them about it privately but at least they were the only ones I’d have to answer to. No one else would have to know and I didn’t have enough friends in middle school for anyone to still call me Karla.” I finish with a small shrug as if that isn’t the first time I’ve ever admitted that to anyone and my throat isn’t completely dry. 

 

Lauren nods in understanding and averts her eyes from me, silence filling the space between us again. 

 

My mouth opens and closes a few times as I’m grasping at thin air for what I’m supposed to say next.

 

I settle with “I don’t really know where I should start.”

 

Clearly I put a lot of thought into this. I hug my legs tighter to my body.

 

Lauren hesitates before turning to me. “I- I have a lot of questions. Is that okay?” 

 

I nod emphatically, glad that there’s at least some sort of direction for this to take despite my heart beating wildly in  my chest as I wring my hands together. 

 

“I’ll do my best to answer everything.”   
  
“If any of it makes you uncomfortable then we can save it for another day, okay?” She assures me and I release the tiniest sigh of relief. She continues with my nod and I do my best to mentally prepare myself. 

 

“What happened when you saw me? At the diner, I mean.”

 

I take my bottom lip between my teeth as I recall the memory, spending a few moments to steady my voice. 

 

“Everything kind of stopped. It’s cheesy and I don’t want to sound like everything in books and movies but there was genuinely no one else that existed the moment I saw you.”   
  
“Did you realize that it was me?” It isn’t necessarily an  accusation, but there is a knowing tone to her voice that fills me with guilt and I want to curl into myself. 

 

I nod, waiting to see if she would say anything. Lauren simply continued to stare at me, her eyes imploring and her lips pursed. 

 

“I guess they weren’t that far off though, right? I saw you and something in me  _ knew _ . I used to think I could bet everything that I’d never find you, that I wouldn’t even know that I’d found you. But you walked up to our booth at the diner and everything inside me just said  _ ‘It’s her. There she is.’  _ ” 

 

The corner of Lauren’s mouth twitched into a small smile for the tiniest of seconds. It wasn’t much but it was enough for some of the tension to leave my shoulders. 

 

“And then?”

 

“And then I panicked,” I remind her with a little bit of a helpless look. This time her face breaks into a small grin and for a moment it almost feels like I didn’t break her heart. “Now we’re here.”  

 

Lauren prompts me to tell her what happened  between then and now to make me change my mind. I ask if she has any wine because I’m going to need  _ something _ to help me get through all of this. She smiles at my comment and a little bit more tension leaves my body at the sight. When she returns with a bottle of wine and two glasses in her hand, she settles into the couch just a little closer to me and all my nerves seem to come back. 

 

I take a large gulp of wine when Lauren hands me the glass and I can feel her stare at me with wide eyes and I can only give her a feeble smile in return. She takes a sip from her own glass and we stay quiet as I try and gather my thoughts. 

 

“I've said this a lot already but I  _ really  _ didn't think I'd find you…” 

 

* * *

 

**LAUREN**

 

As Camila speaks, I have trouble deciding on what to focus on. The raspiness of her voice distracts me from the words she’s saying. She doesn't keep eye contact and I know she's nervous, the way she fumbles over herself for the next thing to say. I wonder what she's feeling while simultaneously knowing I couldn't even decide what I was feeling. 

 

None of my feelings sort themselves out as Camila explains herself, the conflict of wanting to still be angry with her while also wanting to desperately understand her. Practically downing her first glass of wine, she tells me how Sofi saw my tattoo at the diner and how she tried to convince Camila to go after me (which was obviously shut down). 

 

“Sofi’s entirely too smart for an eleven year old. But I was close to panicking so she let it go while we were at the diner. After the holiday party was a different story though. She's also kind of the one to convince me to come after you, ” Camila rambles. 

 

I make a mental note to thank Sofi whenever I get the chance. 

 

She tells me about how her dad became friends with my mom and how he'd been trying to play cupid since day one. 

 

“The way he started the story about meeting your mom I almost thought it meant he finally found someone he'd be interested in. The most mortifying part was that I almost thought it was you.” 

 

“You wouldn't have minded if your dad found someone new?" I question, entirely ignoring the weirdness of that statement. 

 

“I'd be personally offended if he did, and that can be a story for another night, but it was more of an attempt to steer the conversation away from where I knew it was going. He's tried finding you for me for some time now.” She says it with an eye roll but there's no contempt in her features so I let myself smile a little at the sentiment. 

 

Camila has trouble getting through telling me about how she visited her mom a week after seeing me.

 

“I cried a lot that day. Like  _ a lot.  _ Because I miss her and I don't remember as much of her as I used to. I cried because I knew she'd be disappointed in me. And I cried when I was telling her about you because I was feeling so much and I didn't know what  _ any _ of it was.” 

 

Camila takes a rather large gulp of wine after that particular confession. 

 

What’s really surprising is how much she seems comfortable with telling me, like everything with her dad and how practically raising Sofi with a bunch of babysitters took its toll on her. 

 

“I think the worst part of it was that I was left with so much, not necessarily anger- but I had plenty of that too- but just a lot of… negativity?” She looks at me for some sort of confirmation and I nod in understanding because it makes sense. 

 

“Like I didn't get a chance to really mourn and be sad because life kept going and there was Sofi and my dad wasn't necessarily an absent father but he definitely wasn't all that present either.” 

 

Another large swig of her wine. 

 

I like to think maybe Camila is just comfortable with me, but I also rationalize that it's probably because of the third glass of wine she's currently sipping on. I make a mental note to cut her off soon. I'd already finished off my first glass, leaving it empty on the coffee table and turning my body to face Camila as I lean on the back of the couch. She does the same, though her wine still in her hands as she finishes telling me about how she exploded at her dad after the holiday party. 

 

“I felt awful about throwing it all in his face like that. But there was also a lot of relief in finally not having to hold onto it all anymore, y'know?” 

 

I kind of don’t, but I nod anyways. There's a beat of silence as I contemplate my next question but my mouth seems to be ahead of my mind and I don't stop myself in time when

 

“Can I ask you about your mom?” 

 

I hadn't meant to say it out loud or at all but now they're out there and I really wish they weren't. Her face kind of crumples and she averts her eyes from me, her fingers tightening on the stem of her glass. 

 

“Uhm-” 

 

“I'm sorry, you don’t have to. I shouldn't have asked,” I quickly assure as guilt washes over me. 

 

“It's okay, I just-” Camila breathes in deeply through her nose before continuing. “Just not yet, okay? But one day. I promise.” 

 

I do my best to give her a reassuring smile and nod because that was definitely enough for me. 

 

A silence settles between us, her eyes fixed on the wine glass she’s holding and I stare at her the same way I have been all night, like if I don't memorize what she looks like now then I won't get another chance to. Her cheeks are flushed and her lips are especially red from the wine. Her lashes are long and her jaw is sharp and just the slightest bit crooked. 

 

Camila suddenly puts her wine down onto the coffee table, startling me out of my thoughts and when she turns back to me there's a look on her face that causes an ache in my chest. 

 

“Lauren,” she leans in a little and rests both her hands on my thigh to steady herself. “I'm really sorry. So fucking sorry for putting you through all of this the past couple of weeks.” 

 

Her voice is so small and it sounds so heavy with guilt, she looks down as her lips tremble and tears pool in her eyes once again.  Instinctively I reach for her face, gently cupping her cheeks so she can look at me. 

 

“Hey, look at me okay? It's fine, we're here now aren't we? Everything's okay,” I say as calmly as I can because these past two weeks have left me aching but they also brought me here. So it's a small price to pay if you ask me. 

 

As I'm slowly stroking Camila's cheeks with my thumbs, her hands wrap around my forearms, a pained look on her face. 

 

“I don't know how to stop being scared, Lauren.” She mumbles and the urge to be closer and the want to comfort her has me leaning forward. I touch my forehead to hers, eyes focused on her lips. 

 

“But you said you'd try, right?” 

 

I feel her nod, nose bumping mine. “I promise I'll try.” 

 

“Then that's enough.”

 

Suddenly her arms are wrapped around me as Camila closes the gap between us, hands gripping my shirt as she buries her face into the crook of my neck. I snake my arms around her shoulders and hold tight, rubbing small circles into her back when I hear her sniffle. 

 

“I guess you’re a little bit of an emotional drunk?” I say lamely in attempt at a joke. Something caught between a sob and a laugh escapes from her throat, arms just clinging to me tighter. 

 

“Maybe a little bit,” she whispers against my neck and there's really no reason for it to send shivers through my body but it does. I don't notice when I start fiddling with the ends of her hair but I do notice when Camila’s breathing stops being erratic and her hold on me isn't as tight. 

 

“Hey, Camila?” I ask softly. She sits up, effectively pulling herself away from me and I have to consciously stop myself from pulling her back. 

 

“Where exactly does this leave us?” 

 

She seems to consider her answer for a while, hesitating before responding. 

 

“Where we should've been the whole time. You're mine and I'm yours.” 

 

I'm stunned into silence and completely floored at the bluntness of it all. I must've just stared for too long because Camila seems to panic a little before her faces falls and her eyes look at anything but me. 

 

“If- If you still want me to be, I know I've been kind of awful to you so if you didn't want to then that's fine. I mean it'd be kind of devastating but I'd be okay-”

 

“Wait no, Camz-” the nickname kind of just comes out and I choose to not dwell on it when she doesn't say anything about it, still avoiding eye contact. I gently reach for her hands and brush my thumbs over the back of her knuckles. 

 

“I very much still want you. I'm just a little… I mean are  _ you _ sure?” 

 

She stares at our hands as she nods, finally looking up at me with all the unshed tears still brimming in her eyes. 

 

“Sofi was very kind to remind me that pretending I wasn't yours didn't stop me from having to cope with not being with you. The exact thing I didn't want is still exactly what I'd get.” 

 

Turning her hands over in mine, Camila brings our hands close to her chest and stares at me intently. 

 

“I am very much sure. But I'm still very much scared and I'll work on it, I promise. And I know that I'll be… too much sometimes, kind of like I how I am right now. It’s all very- a lot. I’m- I just-” 

 

Leaning forward to touch our foreheads together, I quietly remind her to breathe for me and take her time. She closes her eyes tight and seems to slump against me, hands tightening around mine. 

 

“Please be patient with me,” Camila barely whispers and I feel her words against my lips more than I hear them. 

 

“I’ll do my best.” 

 

The tension in her body seems to leave in her next breath. But then a thought seems to come to her because she’s pulling away again and sitting up straight, licking her lips as she looks at me with trepidation. 

 

“Can we- can we kiss again?”

 

“What?” I say dumbly, my mouth suddenly dry and my body rigid in surprise. 

 

“Our first kiss. Could we try again? I want to do it right.”

 

I wet my lips and I’m pretty sure I nod because the next thing I know, Camila is throwing her leg to one side of me and straddling my lap, situating herself on top of me. 

 

_ Oh.  _

 

“Is this okay?” 

 

I nod emphatically, unable to form words because this is one hell of a re-do. 

 

“Yeah.” I cringe at how my voice cracks, clearing my throat to compose myself. “Yes. Definitely okay.” 

 

After guiding my hands to her waist, she brings hers to my shoulders, her fingers playing with the baby hairs at the nape of my neck as she slowly closes the distance between us. Camila is literally a hair’s width away from pressing her lips to mine when she stops and I want to groan but we  _ just _ spoke about me being patient so. 

 

I wait. 

 

There’s a few moments where we’re completely still and my heart seems to pick up its pace, hammering against my chest as she takes steadying breaths. But then her fingers tangle in my hair and  _ finally _ she’s kissing me. She still tastes a little like wine but her lips are soft and there’s nothing fleeting about the way she kisses me. It’s slow and cautious, the way she moves her mouth over mine, as if she’s making sure I’m really okay with this. 

 

I am very much okay with this. 

 

When I snake my arms around her waist and pull her closer, she tugs at my hair and presses forward, deepening the kiss, eliciting a very appreciative noise from the back of my throat. I lightly drag my nails down her back until my hands are resting on the curve of her ass. There’s a sharp inhale at the contact and I begin retracting my hands, but Camila is quick to keep them in place. 

 

Smiling into the kiss, I bring my hands lower and squeeze. She squeaks and jolts a little at the action, moving away from the kiss with eyes wide in surprise and I can’t help the shit eating grin that takes over my face. I giggle a little at her reaction before getting caught in staring at her again. Eyes blown and cheeks rosy with her lips parted and particularly red; the sight makes my heart swell. 

 

Camila moves to rest her head on my shoulder, her fingers returning to play with the hair at the nape of my neck and I feel her release a contented sigh. 

 

“I’ve been wanting to do that since the party,” I tell her softly. She lets out a small huff but I can feel her smiling.

 

“What? Kiss me again or touch my butt?”

 

“Yes,” I reply easily. She lets out a real laugh this time, loud and unfiltered and I’m ready to hear it for the rest of my life. 

 

“Me too,” she whispers back and I just smile, resting my head on hers and lazily running my fingers up and down her spine. We sit in silence for a few minutes, simply holding each other. It’s when Camila shifts to rest her chin on my shoulder that everything is tense again. 

 

“I have to leave in a couple weeks.”

 

My hand stills and my head shoots up to turn to her. 

 

“What?”

 

“I’m only here on winter break. I have to go back to school in couple weeks.” 

 

“I- Oh.” 

 

“Yeah.” 

 

“Well uh… when do you graduate?” 

 

“The end of this semester.” 

 

I feel a little lighter at that. “Oh. Well that’s not too bad. Just a few more months right?”

 

Now Camila sits back to look at me, guilt written all over her face and there’s a bit of a sinking feeling in my stomach. 

 

“I have an internship in the summer. And then I’ll be applying to grad school there as well.” 

 

“Oh.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

I’m not really sure how I’m meant to take the news, so I blurt out the next thing that comes to mind. 

 

“Uhm, what are you studying then?”

 

“Pediatric neurology.” 

 

“That sounds… intense,” I breathe out. She gives me a weak smile. 

 

“Yeah, a little.”

 

“So you’re going to be up in…” I stop when I realize I don’t know where the fuck she goes to school. 

 

“North Carolina.” 

 

“What? Where the fuck is North Carolina?” 

 

“Right above South Carolina, surprisingly.” 

 

I roll my eyes and allow the corners of my mouth to come up at the (stupid) joke. “So you’re going to be up in North Carolina for- for a while?”

 

“Years.” 

 

“ _ Oh.” _

 

“Yeah.” 

 

“Well that’s, uhm, a thing. I guess.” 

 

Camila lets out a defeated sigh and slumps against me. “I’m really sorry.” 

 

“Woah hey, what are you sorry about? That’s what you love, isn’t it?” I feel her nod and I hear her sniffle too, so I hold her tight against me. “Then it’s okay. We can figure it out.”

 

“But I’m going to be so far! And for so long. You’d have to wait so long for me and I couldn’t make you do that-”  

 

“Camz.” 

 

“It’s only been two weeks and I’ve already put you through so much. Imagine what I can fuck up in two  _ months _ , let alone any amount of years-” 

 

“ _ Camz _ .”

 

“God, you’re going to get so tired of me because I am literally going to lose my mind over worrying about you-”

 

“Karla!” 

 

“I- hey don’t use that against me,” she faces me to show me her pout and I try not to focus on the urge to kiss it away. 

 

“I’m sorry I just need you to relax for me a little, okay?” 

 

“But-”

 

“No, shhh,” I quickly to interrupt.

 

“That’s rude.” 

 

Before I think too much about it, I give her an apologetic look followed by a quick peck in attempt to comfort her. “I’m sorry but you gotta breathe a little. I know the prospect of being, uhm, indefinitely long distance is a little daunting-”

 

“A little?”

 

_ “But _ ,” I press forward. “I know you’re my endgame. Whatever we go through, I know will be worth it because you’re it for me and there’s no doubt that that’s true. You’re mine. I’m yours. So we gotta wait a little? Fine, whatever. We’ll get there though.” 

 

“How can you be so sure?” 

 

“I’m not,” I admit. “But we both promised to try so I’m deciding to have a little faith in us.”

 

“You don’t know what could happen in all that time. To either of us.” She says it so quietly I almost don’t hear it. And I’m suddenly realising what she’s scared of, what her biggest worry about the whole long distance thing really is. Camila could take as many trips as she wants to visit me, but she’s always going to worry that one day I won’t be around to anymore to visit. 

 

“Baby,” I say emphatically. “You can’t think like that.”

 

“It’s hard not to when you can’t promise nothing will happen.”

 

“You can’t make that promise either!” I snap, immediately feeling Camila try to untangle herself from me but I keep my hold around her firm. 

 

“Hey, no. Stay with me,” I almost plead. “I’m sorry for snapping. I’m not trying to tell you to suck it up because I know how hard this is for you. Can we just try to take it as we go? One day at a time, something like that?” 

 

“I’m going to be such a mess though,” she muses. 

 

“Baby, you’re kind of already a mess.”

 

“Nice vote of confidence there,  _ babe _ .” 

 

I practically choke at the term of endearment until I see the conflicted look on Camila’s face. 

 

“Me and you, okay? We’ll take it all a little bit at a time.”

 

Camila stares at me for a little while, worrying her lip between her teeth and fiddling with the hem of my shirt. It takes a little bit of waiting, but she finally nods and I let out a breath of relief. 

 

“Yeah?” I hold my pinky out for her. 

 

“Yeah,” she confirms quietly, wrapping her own pinky around mine and we bring our hands to our lips, carrying out the pinky promise with a kiss. Camila gives me a small smile before resting her head back down on my shoulder and wrapping her arms around me again. 

 

“So… calling you Karla is off the table?” 

 

She just groans and buries her face deeper into the crook of my neck. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took ages to do but it was extra gay to hopefully make up for it. thanks for reading cuties!! 
> 
> side note: I originally planned for this to be a 5 part fic, but I'm considering making this into a series if there's enough interest in that so let me know along with any other feedback/criticism you have! thank you muchly, i love you for reading!!!


	5. Chapter 5

  
  
  
**CAMILA**

I'm not sure how much time I spent sitting in Lauren's lap, wrapped around her with my head resting on her shoulder. But it was enough time for my eyes to get droopy and the way her fingers trail up and down my spine nearly lulling me to sleep.

But then Lauren's saying "move in with me," and now I'm completely awake.

"What?"

I pull away to look at her and I can feel her arms tighten around me.

"Wait, fuck. That came out wrong," she sputters frantically. "I meant stay with me."

All I can manage to do is stare with my mouth hanging open and I kind of want to cry again.

"Baby, I _can't,"_ my voice is gravelly and near desperate.

"Shit no, it keeps coming out wrong. I didn't mean-" Lauren's rushing her words with an urgency until I'm gently cupping her face. I will her to take a breath, touching my forehead to hers.

"Two more weeks til you go back to school, right?" She tries again and I cringe at the reminder.

"Yeah," I whisper.

"Okay," she sighs. "The rest of your two weeks, be with me."

It's such a simple request and I had every intention to do so anyways. But the reminder that she wants me to means everything to me.

I nod, placing a soft kiss to her lips. "Of course."

"Yeah?" she sounds surprised and I have to smile a little.

"Yeah, I wouldn't want to spend my time anywhere else."

"That's good. That's really good. Because same."

I bite my lip at how adorably Lauren is fumbling over her words. I'm about to lean in and kiss her again when my stomach very obnoxiously growls.

I'm smiling sheepishly as Lauren laughs.

"I guess you haven't had dinner?"

I shake my head no.

"So all you've have tonight is three glasses of wine?"

I shake my head no again, but much less convincing with the guilty look on my face.

"Let's go get you some food then. It shouldn't be too late," Lauren says as she grabs her phone and I hum in agreement.

A few moments later and she's just looking at me until finally speaking up.

"Camila, you kinda have to get off me."

"Oh! I'm still on top of- okay yeah. I'm getting up." With absolutely no grace, I scramble off of Lauren's lap and stand on legs that are much more wobbly than I remember. Strong hands steady me and I send Lauren a grateful smile before following her into the kitchen as she orders Chinese and I pour myself some water.

She's still on the phone when I finish my water so I stay silent but move closer, craving contact. As if sensing my hesitation, she reaches for me and I readily close the distance between us, my hands finding themselves around her waist and resting my head on her shoulder.

It occurs to me how much of a stark difference this all is, where I once wanted nothing to do with her and now all I want is feel everything with her.

We're standing in her kitchen while she orders dinner and I'm holding onto her with my lips softly pressed against her neck. When Lauren gets off the phone and kisses the top of my head, I can almost already feel the dread of leaving this behind.

Dinner happens at 10:37 on Lauren's couch, the both of us eating lo mein out of the container. My legs are laid across her lap as she's facing me, a lazy smile on her lips the whole time.

I'm overwhelmed with how _domestic_ everything feels and there's a sense of restlessness inside me that worries about getting comfortable with it. Because in two weeks times I'm going to have to get used to being without it.

I'm consciously aware of all of this, but I don't stop myself from seeking out physical contact every time either of us so much as moves. It's irrational but parts of me are still scared of losing her, as if she's going to just disappear the moment I let go of her. So I don't.

When the food is put away and I'm texting my dad and Sofi I won't be home tonight, I'm suddenly remembering

"I don't have any clothes to sleep in," I say turning to Lauren. She gives me a sly grin as she steps into my space.

"Oh how cliché. You'll have to sleep in some of _my_ clothes tonight."

I can't fight the smile spreading across my face. It's a cliché I don't mind falling into. Soon enough I'm dressed in her long sleeve shirt and sweats, brushing my teeth alongside her as we get ready for bed together.

I'm surprised at how easy this is all coming to me, how comfortable it is to just be with Lauren.

There's a conflicting feeling of relief that being with Lauren is easy, paired with the terrifying realization that being without her would be really fucking hard.

I realise that I've been standing in Lauren's bathroom for a minute, having already finished brushing my teeth, now just staring into space. It's not until she's gently tugging at my hand that I'm pulled out of my thoughts.

"Camila?"

"Sorry, I was just zoning out."

Lauren clearly doesn't buy it, her eyebrows knitting together as she looks at me skeptically. "What were you thinking about?"

"Nothing. I just spaced," I try brushing her off. "Sleep now? It's been a long day."

I take hold of her hand, leading us to her bed and I'm grateful she doesn't push the topic. Lauren ends up being the big spoon (surprise surprise) and I immediately relax into her arms. When I allow myself to think of how safe I feel in her arms, there's an edge of panic when the thought of having to be so far plagues my mind.

It's weird to experience, the comfort and conflict of being in Lauren's arms. Her hold around my waist tightens when I let out a deep sigh and she presses her lips to my shoulder.

"What's wrong?" Lauren whispers softly.

Of course she can fucking tell something's wrong, even when I'm facing away from her as we lay in the dark. I wonder if it's because I'm an overall mess or because she's just more perceptive of me as my person.

"It's scary," I mumble.

"What is? The dark? Do you want me to keep a light on for you?"

The corners of my mouth lift at her concern but I place my hand over hers, slipping my fingers between hers. "No, not the dark. Being with you is- it's really easy. And that scares me."

It's deadly silent for a few moments as I feel Lauren go rigid.

"I scare you?"

The crack in Lauren's voice prompts me to turn around in her arms, cupping her face and bringing her close.

"Oh baby no," I'm quick to reassure as my thumbs caress her cheeks.

"The other day I was convinced I didn't want you in my life and now I don't want to be anywhere but with you. It's just- everything is a lot for me and that's the scary part. Not you though, never you."

I feel Lauren nod and bring me closer until I'm practically laying on top of her. I let my weight settle on top of her, relaxing in her embrace as well as I can.

"None of this comes as a surprise to you though?" I ask. "How easy it is being with each other?"

"No because I'm yours and you're mine," she shrugs a little before kissing my forehead. I shouldn't be surprised at how simple the answer is. We're literally meant for each other, of course it would be easy being together.

"Yeah. You're mine and I'm yours," I repeat softly as I place a kiss on (I think) her cheek.

Laying my head on her chest, I let my eyes shut while I focus on Lauren's breathing to distract me from any other thoughts plaguing my mind. I'm almost lulled to sleep by her fingers caressing my spine when she breaks the silence.

"I could always move up there with you."

My body goes rigid and my mind suddenly turns alert.

"What?"

"I could move up to North Dakota with you while you study."

"North Carolina," I correct.

"Yeah that's what I said."

I snort, moving to lay on my side but still leaning on the other girl, shaking my head the whole time. "You can't just move for me, Lauren. Your life is here."

"But you're-"

"Don't you dare say I'm your life," I warn, my voice dangerously low. "I'm your person but I'm not the only person. You have your family and friends here and I can't take you away from them."

"I don't want to be away from you for years, Camz! That's insane. I can always visit my family and I can make more friends but I can't find any more of you," Lauren practically growls out.

I stay silent, all of her points entirely true but I'm stubbornly telling myself it's too much to ask of her.

"It's selfish," I murmur quietly and I can practically see her eyeroll when she scoffs. I don't expect her to roll us over so that she's laying herself on top of me, arms bracketing my head. It's too dark to properly see her but I can tell she's staring down at me.

"I _want_ to. If having to make new friends and setting aside money for plane tickets to visit family is what I have to do then fine. But I know that I want to be with you." She leans down to place a kiss on my nose and I manage a small smile.

"You're going to become a fucking neurosurgeon! That's probably some tough shit and I want to be with you through the whole thing." Her voice is so steady and determined, it leaves no doubt that her mind is set.

Letting out a deep breath, my arms snaking around Lauren's shoulders.

"You don't want me there with you?"

She asks in such a small voice, timid and unsure and my heart aches.

"Fuck, of course I do." My hand rests on the back of her neck, softly playing with her hair in what I hope is a  comforting manner.

"But I don't want to take you away from everything you have here," I try to explain. "It doesn't seem fair that you have to make a huge commitment and such a big compromise like this just for me."

"Camz, it's _you._ I'd do it tomorrow if you asked me to." 

I feel my chest tighten and my heart beat pick up at the declaration. She's so ready to commit everything to me already and here I am telling her she shouldn't. What the fuck is wrong with me?

"Okay," I relent. I can feel Lauren perk up but I have to remind myself to stay cautious. " _But_. Can we give it some time? I'll be back in March for my spring break and we can figure more stuff out then. Is that okay?"

"Yes, anything you want," Lauren nods her head enthusiastically causing her whole body to shake on top of me. "I can't see you right now but I'm going to kiss you."

She misses, her kiss landing next to my nose. She runs with it though, placing kisses all along my cheek until her lips are finally on mine and we both ease into the kiss, my legs wrapping around her waist.

I break the kiss with a yawn causing Lauren to laugh, her breath against my lips and I just want to kiss her again.

"I'm sorry kissing me is _so_ boring Camz."

"Nooo, it's just been a long day and I haven't been sleeping well lately and if I could stay awake to kiss you all night I _would-_ "

"Baby," she laughs. "I was just kidding, I'm sure you're tired. We can go to sleep."

"Okay but I do want to pick this back up when I'm more awake."

"I want to take you out on a date."

The sudden change in topic is surprising to say the least.  "You do?"

"Duh." I can hear the obvious tone in her voice and I roll my eyes. I'm sure she can tell, even in the dark. I feel her press her face against my neck and I release a contented sigh.

"I want to take you out on a lot of dates. As many as I can fit in two weeks at least." Lauren's words are muffled against my skin and she finishes it with a kiss to my neck. I ignore the twinge in my chest at the reminder of our limited time. "Let me take you to the zoo!"

It comes out at as an excited whisper and I can't help but smile, resting my cheek against Lauren's temple.

"You can take me on whatever kind of dates you want, babe."

"Good," she nuzzles her nose against my skin before placing another kiss. "Night night."

I kiss the side of Lauren's head in return. "Goodnight love." 

* * *

Disoriented.

That's how I feel when I wake up. I'm not in my bed nor in my own room and worst of all the bed is empty. It's just me and I can feel my chest tighten with panic. Sitting up, I feel my breath quicken and it's hard for my eyes to focus on anything.

_Gone. Lauren's gone. Gone. Gone. Gone._

I try to swallow around the lump in my throat but it's hard and I can feel tears welling in my eyes and I just want to curl into myself. She can't be gone. That's- why isn't she- why would she just be _gone?_   The rational part of me knows this doesn't make sense but in the moment all I can hear is my anxiety insisting she's disappeared.

I'm close to being nauseous when a door opens and Lauren steps through, running her hands through her hair and it's like I can suddenly breathe again.

"Oh, you're up. Good morning," she gives me a toothy smile but there's absolutely no part of me that can speak right now. She notices the tears brimming my eyes, wiping away the smile on her face and replacing it with concern.

"Woah hey, what's wrong?" She rushes towards me, scooping me up in her arms. "Baby? What's going on?"

I shake my head, willing away my tears and clearing my throat even though I know my voice is still hoarse. "I just thought- you weren't there when I woke up and I just- I was scared you were gone and then I couldn't-"

Lauren cuts me off by crushing me in a hug, pulling me onto her lap and holding me as close as humanly possible.

"I'm right here, okay? I'm here and I'm staying." She whispers reassuringly into my hair as I cling to her. I so desperately want to believe her, wishing that it were that easy.

All I manage to do is grip her shirt as she holds me, letting her rock us back and forth while she presses kisses to my temple.

"I'm sorry," I hiccup. "This was really stupid of me to freak out. I could've guessed you were in the bathroom or something," I apologize in a quiet voice.

"It's not stupid, baby. You're still scared, it's okay." Lauren's voice is low and soothing and completely understanding. I feel my heart swell as I grip her shirt tighter.

"God I'm such a mess," I pull back to wipe at my tears but she gently moves my hands away and does it herself.

"A little," she teases. "But you're my mess and you're working on it. That's all I ask."

Dear lord this woman is unreal.

"You really got the short end of this deal didn't you?"

"What are you talking about?" she questions. I simply make a vague hand motion between the our bodies.

"Me and you. I'm given an actual goddess for a soulmate and you're given a walking trainwreck. I couldn't even make it through the morning without panicking and eighty percent of my time with you I've been crying and I'm really such a mess, Lo. Like I'm so sorry that you're stuck with me-"

"Stop that," she interrupts me, voice hard and eyes set. "Don't talk about yourself like that. I'm not _stuck_ with you. If I didn't want this then I would let you leave for North Carolina and keep it at that. But I want to be with you as much as you're meant to be for me. You've got anxiety and some grieving to properly get through, but it's not like you're fucking broken, Camz."

Lauren's looking at me with such fire in her eyes and so much conviction in her voice that all my resolve breaks.

"I'm not worth all the trouble." I barely whisper the words, hating that I have to hear them out loud. I immediately shrink in her arms, as if an attempt to look as small as I feel when I'm met with silence.

"Please look at me," Lauren gently requests. I don't.

"Camila. Please look at me."

I can't. I really fucking can't because having Lauren look at me like I'm some honest to god gift is a cruel reminder of how I'm the furthest from it. None of this is fair on her and she's all too willing to put up with it. I'm hit with the urge to cry, to bawl my eyes out and apologize until I'm finally someone who deserves Lauren.

"Okay then, don't look at me. But please listen," she slips her hands under the hem of my (her) shirt, her thumbs making small circles against my hips. I can only bury my face into her neck.

"You are worth everything I have and I want to give that to you. It's not like I don't come with baggage you're going to have to deal with, it just looks a lot different from yours. But remember what you promised me last night? What we promised each other?"

I nod because of course I do, I made a huge show of it several times.

_I promise I'll try._

Lauren places a soft kiss on my cheek and I let out a shaky breath.

"Please let me try," she whispers as rests her cheek on the top of my head.

"It isn't fair to you-" I try to insist.

"I'm not fucking stuck with you, Camila. I want you and I want us. I'm well aware it's not going to be a cakewalk but for a lot of people the hardest thing is simply _finding_ each other. But I have you now and I'm going to do whatever it takes to keep you."

Her words rip right through me and I can't stop the sob that slips past my lips.

"You probably think all of this stuff surrounding you makes you hard to love or some other bullshit. Or maybe that I'll end up not loving you as much because of it but honestly Camz, _fuck_ all of that. You're my person by chance but keeping you is my choice and I'm always going to choose you."

Tears are streaming freely down my face now and I pull away from her embrace but her arms keep their hold around my waist. Before I get the chance to, she's wiping my tears away again and I'm wrapping my fingers around her wrists so she can focus on me.

"Please," I murmur. "Please don't give up on me."

She shakes her head, green eyes shining with determination. "I could never."

I'm crashing my lips to hers, urgent and needy and wanting. My insecurities filling in the gaps between us until the steadiness of Lauren's embrace overcomes everything, pouring into the way she kisses me and taking away from every doubt that I harbor. 

And for now, it's enough.

-

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a few things:
> 
> 1) heyooooo ya girl got 4,000 reads on this fic. but ya girl also only got like $3 in her bank account so she got a second job and free time for writing is questionable :/ BUT it only took two weeks this time to update so...#progress
> 
> 2) i've been really on the fence about this update and this fic in general because i've been really back and forth with myself about my writing bc (i'mma get fake deep for a sec) i feel like i've lost any direction i had with this???? idk it's weird and i haven't sorted out everything i wanted to do with this story yet so if you wanna be rad and leave some constructive criticism, or really any feedback, that'd be pretty fucking dope (just so you know)
> 
> 3) i usually split chapters up with Camila's POV being first and Lauren's POV being second but i have since decided that i'm just going to have one POV per chapter and go back and forth between them. because my life is a mess and my writing should reflect that :]
> 
> 4) the banner for this chapter is a ballpoint pen portrait i did a while ago and if you wanna support your local starving artist (me), you can follow me on ig: gmandani and pay me in validation tyvm ily
> 
> 5) i don't proofread, soz


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is literally all fluff bc i've made y'all suffer a lot so here's a lil break for you

**LAUREN**

 

It was a rough start to being with Camila. There was a lot more crying than I would have wanted to put her through. But now we're on my couch and she's in my arms, eyes completely dry and it all seems okay. 

 

Then there's the thought that she won't be here in a couple weeks and my hold on her tightens. I don't fight the urge to kiss the top of her head, determined to show every ounce of affection while I can. Camila brings her hand to rest on my chest. 

 

“Your heart is beating kind of fast,” she almost whispers, turning her head to face me. 

 

“It's because I've got this really hot girl laying on top of me,” I give her a playful smile and she raises her head with an unimpressed look. The way the corners of her lips seem to quirk only encourage me though. 

 

“I hope she lets me touch her butt later,” I add with a smirk. Dropping her head back onto my shoulder, Camila laughs into the crook of my neck and I bite my lip at the way her breath hits my skin and the raspiness reaches my ears. 

 

I hear a muffled “maybe” after a moment. “Do you have work today?” 

 

“No, Vero had offered to take my shift today which I thought was weird but I guess she knew what was going on now that I think about it.” 

 

“Yeah, she kind of helped me get my shit together,” Camila says sheepishly and I rub soothing circles on her back. 

 

“It makes sense now why she didn’t want me to be mad at you.” 

 

This causes Camila to shoot straight up, sitting so that she hovers over me with her hair curtaining my face and creases forming when she frowns. 

 

“Are you still mad?” 

 

There’s a timidness to her voice, obvious worry in her features and I immediately reach up to cup her face, ready to reassure her. She’s rambling before I get a word out. 

 

“I understand if you are, you have every right to be mad. I was literally such an ass about everything. Oh my god you’re literally stuck with the worst person, I’m so sorry. Like  _ wow _ you are so unlucky, I'm so sorry that you ended up with me this honestly must suck so much for you-” 

 

“Woah, hey, stop talking like that,” I cut in. “I’m not stuck with you, you're not the worst, there's nothing for you to be sorry about. I’m lucky to have found you, however challenging it was to get to this point.”

 

I reach for her hands to stop her from wringing them together. “But we're  _ here  _ and you're with me and that's the farthest thing from anything being ‘sucky’ for me.” 

 

I see protests forming on her lips, my hand immediately clamping over her mouth. 

 

“No overthinking this. Please,” I softly implore. Camila’s shoulders sag and there's a softness in her eyes when she looks down at me and after a few moments of contemplation, she nods. 

 

“Good. Now, what are your plans for the day?” 

 

She puts her hand over mine to take it away from her mouth and shrugs. 

 

“Just you.” 

 

I quirk an eyebrow at her. “Oh really?” 

 

“Wait, no I meant that my only plans today are with you. Don’t be gross!” Camila backtracks. 

 

“Oh so it’d be gross with me?” I jokingly glare. 

 

“What? No no no, that’s not what I meant, just that-”

 

Laughing, I move to hold Camila’s hands in gentle reassurance. “Camz, I’m just kidding. I know what you meant.” 

 

All she does is pout and huff a little, but her hands stay in mine. “You’re annoying.” 

 

“Yep,” I grin, bringing her hands to my lips and placing kisses on her knuckles. “And I plan on annoying you for the rest of my life.” 

 

There’s a blush that paints Camila’s cheeks as she tries to bite back a smile and there’s really no doubt that I’m completely enamoured with her. Without much thought, I gently pull her down by the neck, our lips meeting in a lingering kiss and I indulge in the fact that I can do this now. 

 

The best part is that she wants this too, wants  _ me _ too. 

 

\--

 

“Can our first date just be spending the whole day making out? I feel like that’s a good date plan,” Camila says from her spot as she sits on the counter. We finally got around to eating a late breakfast and she’s stuck close to my side ever since our little morning heart to heart. 

 

“You're so romantic,” I snort as I move towards her, placing myself between her legs and her limbs immediately wrap around me. She leans forward and puckers her lips in an invitation and I very gladly comply with a quick kiss. 

 

“Don't get me wrong, I want to go on heaps of dates with you and I have no doubt they would be great. But I kind of just want to  _ be  _ with you for a while,” Camila shrugs and I’m endeared by the sentiment, my heart maybe (definitely) swelling a bit. 

 

“It is pretty nice,” I agree. “Just being together. You're really nice to hold too.”

 

Internally I roll my eyes at myself for how sappy I’m already being but Camila giggles and I figure it isn't so bad. 

 

“Thanks, I’ve been told.” She gives me a cheeky smile that I don't return. 

 

“Excuse me? By who? Who has been holding you?” I try to keep my voice light but I’m too preoccupied with the thought of someone else holding Camila the way I do. 

 

She giggles again, planting a kiss on my nose. “A very cuddly  _ friend,  _ that you have no need to worry about. She's super straight and not interested.” 

 

“Okay good,” I visibly relax, though my arms around her waist remain firm in their hold and I drop a kiss on her shoulder. “You're all mine to hold now, okay?”

 

She nods, placing a kiss on my cheek. “All yours,” she mumbles against my skin and she's already so close, I only need to turn my head a little...

 

And then her lips slant over mine, firm and slow as her fingers tangle in my hair. My own hands find themselves sliding under the hem of Camila's shirt, humming at the warmth of her skin and fingers lightly raking across her lower back. She pulls away a little abruptly with almost dazed eyes and I’m almost worried I did something wrong until she speaks up. 

 

“So is this a yes to making out the whole day?” She asks with a hopeful smile and wagging eyebrows. 

 

I can't help but laugh at her silliness, finding her antics adorable. 

 

“Well I’m definitely not opposed to the idea-”

 

“Oh! We can be really cute and make a blanket fort and play movies that we won't watch because we'll be making out the whole time. And then you can spend the rest of the night calling me baby since you know I love that,” Camila grips my shoulders tightly in excitement with a toothy smile. 

 

“Anything you want baby,” I agree easily, surely a dopey smile on face. 

 

“Really? That’s all it took?” She looks pleasantly surprised. 

 

I shrug. “I guess, yeah.” 

 

“Okay yay! You’re going to have to be in charge of building the fort because- well just trust me that you should be in charge of it.” 

 

I laughed a little at the statement, unaware of how serious she was, leaning in to capture her lips in my own because there was absolutely no reason not to. 

 

It may have taken us a while to actually getting around to doing anything, the both of us (mostly me) particularly committed to the ‘making out the whole day’ part of Camila’s plans.

 

I go ahead and put ‘Kissing Camila’ in my top 10 list of favorite things. Because all of her is soft but part of her wants to be cautious, while the other is clingy and needy and it shows in the way she hesitates to deepen the kiss. But then she’ll go for it and suddenly she’s all in, ravishing in the way her lips move against mine. 

 

When we get to the part where we actually set up the fort, I’m realizing how honest Camila was about me needing to take the lead. 

 

Finally deciding to have Camila be in charge of ordering pizza when she nearly trips over one of the chairs she’s been trying to prop a blanket over, I take over the rest of the fort. By the time she’s off the phone, I’ve finished arranging the chairs and securing the blankets. I’m gently tossing any and all pillows I can find into the small space when I feel lithe arms wrap around me from behind. 

 

“Looks great, babe.” 

 

“Thanks!” I say proudly, entirely too eager for such a small compliment. I ignore the realization and lean back into her. “What kind of pizza did you order?” 

 

“I ordered a hawaiian for myself and a pepperoni for you,” she mumbles against my shoulder, hands resting against my stomach. 

 

“Yikes,” I hiss out.

 

“What?” 

 

“I didn’t think we’d have any dealbreakers like this,” I draw out. 

 

“What do you mean?” Camila pulls away from me as I turn to her, a dramatically pained look on my face. She wears a deep frown with her wide eyes. 

 

“You like pineapple. On your  _ pizza. _ I can already tell you this isn’t going to work,” I deadpan, fully facing her now. I see Camila’s jaw drop with an incredulous look and I can’t stop the shit eating grin from forming. 

 

“You’re so annoying,” she complains, lightly shoving my shoulder and crossing her arms. I throw my head back at the pout she wears and I can feel her rolling her eyes. 

 

“Aw baby, I was just kidding.” The lack of remorse in my voice proves to be unconvincing. 

 

“Nope. You’ve ruined the date. No more making out,” she tells me petulantly, sticking her tongue out. 

 

“Woah hey, that’s a little drastic,” I backpedal.

 

“ _ And _ you’re not allowed into the fort anymore.”

 

“I built the damn thing!”

 

“Yes but only because of me,” Camila tries to reason. 

 

I can only stare, dumbfounded. “You’re not kicking me out of my own fort. This is  _ my _ apartment.” 

 

“Well then this is my fort.” 

 

“You don’t get to decide that, I made the fort!” 

 

“You can’t stop me,” she sticks her tongue out at me  _ again _ . 

 

“Wow, so mature Camz.  Who’s the annoying one now?” 

 

To prove my point, she crawls into the blanket fort and turns around to fucking blow a raspberry at me in response.

 

I cannot believe-

 

Before I put any thought into it I’m following behind her on all fours, ambushing her and tickling her sides until she gives in. 

 

Now we’re making out in  _ our _ fort. 

 

\--

 

When the pizza arrives and I throw a few more jabs in about pineapple on Camila’s pizza, we’re settled back into the blanket fort with my laptop and trying to decide on a movie to watch. I go along with any suggestions Camila has, certain that I won’t be paying any attention to it regardless.

 

(Also because I’m a little whipped. 

 

Just a little.) 

 

Camila can’t seem to decide though, instead we end up watching a Youtube playlist of PubLizity videos and I spend the whole time watching the way her eyes crinkle when she laughs and how she scrunches her nose while she’s too busy chewing to laugh properly. 

 

Her legs lay across my lap and I’m surrounded by a bunch of pillows I didn’t know I owned, in a blanket fort eating pizza with the actual love of my life and my heart has never felt so full. 

 

When the food is put away and I’m settled back on top of all these fucking pillows (seriously when did I own so many?), Camila lays on top of me the same way she has been for the better part of the past eighteen hours. 

 

She puts on  _ ‘She’s The Man _ ’ before resting her head on my chest, my hands finding purchase on the swell of her ass and I have trouble hiding the smirk when she looks up at me with an eyebrow raised. 

 

“What?” I attempt to play off innocently. “You said earlier I could touch your butt.”

 

“I specifically said maybe,” she reminds me in mock seriousness. 

 

“So I can’t touch your butt?” 

 

She makes a show of rolling her eyes before resting her head back on my chest. “Fine.” 

 

“Nice.” I give her a gentle squeeze and I hear Camila snort.

 

“God, you’re ridiculous.” 

 

“Can you even blame me? Have you seen yourself?” 

 

I feel her shake her head a little. “Have  _ you _ seen yourself? How do people even describe you? Ethereal? Otherworldly? Unrealistic?” 

 

“That’s all you babe,” I say easily, dropping a kiss onto the top of her head and thankful that she’s focused on the opening scenes on the screen. 

 

“I’m going to not argue with you on that because this is my favorite movie, but we’ll pick this up later,” she informs me as she slides one hand under the hem of my shirt and begins tracing patterns along my skin. 

 

“When do we pick up on the making out again?” 

 

“Shhh.”

 

“Okay,” I whisper this time. “When do we pick up on the maki-” 

 

A pair of lips cut me off, gentle and lingering and I sigh contentedly. I attempt to deepen the kiss, hungry for everything Camila has to offer, but she breaks away abruptly and all too soon. There’s a little whine that leaves my throat and an immediate pout on my lips, face pinched in discontent. 

 

“After the movie? It’s my favorite,” she repeats in a low voice and I already know I’m going to have all sorts of trouble saying no to this girl. Her mouth ghosts over mine and I’m sure she knows how tempting she is, but I relent with a small ‘okay’ and exhale slowly. 

 

It’s hard to focus on the movie, as entertaining as I usually find it. Because it hasn’t even been a full twenty four hours with the smaller girl and I’m already in so deep. It’s painfully obvious how easy it is to fall into her with how comfortable I already am, how ready I am to give up everything for her. I already told her I’d readily move up to fucking North Carolina with her. 

 

And I could, no questions asked and absolutely no regrets. Everything I could have with Camila, I want. But it all feels surreal, having gotten to this point in such a short amount of time though I suppose it only further proves how much we’re meant for each other. I want to cringe at how cheesy it all sounds, but it holds true. 

 

I’m brought out of my thoughts when Camila shifts on top of me to shut my laptop closed, then resting her chin on my chest to look up at me. She’s got long lashes, I notice. Long lashes on big doe eyes that silently stare at me with a lazy smile painted on her face. 

 

“What?” I break the silence. It’s a couple beats later when she answers. 

 

“Thank you,” she whispers.

 

“For what?” I’m a little confused at this point. 

 

“For still wanting me.” It’s so small, the way she says it. Like she’s scared for me to hear it, as if I’ll change my mind if I do. It’s almost heartbreaking. 

 

I tuck aside a few strands of her hair as we lock eyes and I muster every ounce of conviction in my body to resound in my words.

 

“I’m always going to want you. You’re literally it for me, Camz.” 

 

Her eyes dart back and forth between my own and I hope she finds the sincerity she’s looking for. But I already know that as much as she wants to believe me, I’m going to need to do a lot of convincing. 

 

Camila doesn’t say anything else, instead giving me a watery smile and it’s enough for now.

 

\--

 

We don’t go back to making out after that. Which is  _ fine, _ I’m not disappointed or anything- I can control myself. But it’s not like I wasn’t looking forward to it. 

 

(Because I was. 

 

A lot.)

 

We actually lay together in silence for a while, her fingers never ceasing in their lazy pattern tracing along my skin, my own slowly dragging themselves up and down her spine. It’s a comfortable silence, an easy one that I could fall asleep to, eyes slowly growing heavy. 

 

“My mom used to make pillow forts for me a lot,” Camila mutters into the fabric of my shirt. I feel her speak more than I hear her and I’m suddenly looking down at the top of her head, my arms circling her waist. 

 

“Yeah?” I do my best to hide the surprise in her mentioning her mother. 

 

“Mhm. They would be kind of elaborate, like a big tent,” she explains. 

 

“What I’m hearing is that you have high standards for blanket forts,” I tease lightly, satisfied when I feel her smile against my chest. 

 

“This one is pretty great, I suppose. Maybe even makes it into my top twenty,” she plays along. 

 

“Euf, only top twenty? Stiff competition.”

 

A few moments pass where it’s quiet and I’m almost worried I said something wrong. She speaks up again though, and relief floods through me.

 

“She used to be an architect, up until we came to the States.” 

 

“You weren’t born here?” I don’t hide my surprise this time. 

 

“Nah, I was six when we moved. No one would hire my mom as an architect, regardless of how qualified she was. I didn’t understand that though, I was just six. I just thought she stopped, you know?” 

 

I nod, rubbing soothing circles along her back with one hand, encouraging her to continue. 

 

“I remember asking her why she doesn’t build things anymore, and I guess she didn’t have the heart to tell me that people didn’t consider her qualifications simply because they couldn’t understand her English.” There’s a tightness in her voice that clenches at my heart and all I manage is a kiss to her temple. 

 

“That’s how it started. She’d make a pillow fort with me every other weekend or so, if she wasn’t too busy with work. It’d be like our own little girl’s night. She’d let me have whatever kind of snacks I wanted and we’d usually watch a Disney movie. I was never much of a help when it came to the forts, not that that’s surprising,” she notes and I let myself smile at that. 

 

“She always told me it was her favorite thing to do because she still got to build things, and even better because she gets to build it with me,” she sighs and it’s almost as if her body sags against mine in exhaustion. She doesn’t say anything else for a little while and I bring my hand up to cup her face, caressing her cheek in a loving manner. 

 

“Thank you for sharing this with me,” I quietly utter. In response, Camila reaches for my hand, briefly bringing it to her lips before intertwining her fingers with mine. 

 

It was a pretty good date night if you ask me. 

 

\--

 

“I have work in the afternoon tomorrow,” I announce to Camila as I emerge from the bathroom having finished brushing my teeth. 

 

“I want you to meet my dad and Sofi.” 

 

I freeze in my tracks, a little taken aback at the seemingly random request. 

 

“Again,” she adds, remembering that I’ve already met them. “I want you to meet them again as my-” Camila seems to contemplate her words before settling on “as my Lauren.”

 

It’s hard to stop the smile stretching across my face when I hear that, endeared by the added fact that she seems so nervous. 

 

“Not like they don’t already know who you are, considering that they’ve been pushing me to talk to you for days and everything. But you know, I just want you to meet them properly and have them like you. Fuck, not that they didn’t like you before but I want all of you to like each other and- oh my god I’m such a mess.”

 

“Babe,” I gently cut in. “It’s nothing to worry about. I would love to meet them again with the proper pretenses. Now please breathe for me,” I comfort her, reaching over to rub my hands up and down her arms in a soothing manner. 

 

“Great! Would you be free after you shift tomorrow? You could come over for dinner?” 

 

“Sounds perfect. I wish I didn’t have to go back to work already though. I’m going to miss you the whole time.” 

 

“That’s gay,” Camila tells me without missing a beat and I snap my head towards her in indignation. 

 

“Shut up.”

 

All she does is throw a cheeky smile my way, leading me to bed where she ends up being the big spoon after I stubbornly refuse to cuddle. I know it’s a losing battle once she pulls me into her embrace, I eventually place my hand over hers and lace our fingers together. I drift off to butterfly kisses along the back of my neck and Camila’s steady breathing on my skin. 

 

\--

 

My shift the next day is extra long. 

 

Not really, but it drags on forever and I’m itching to get back to Camila. I was already reluctant in leaving the bed this morning, not wanting to be away from the younger girl. She texts me throughout the day though, along with Vero who sends me suggestive emojis and only slightly intrusive texts. I call her during my break to thank her profusely for making sure I didn’t give up on Camila and helping her get her shit together. She pretends to be smug about it on the phone, laying claim on what a blessing she is in my life. 

 

She’s not too far off, so I go along with it all until my break is over and I’m having to end the call with a final thank you. Vero really is one of the best kind of people you could ask for in your life, barring any inappropriate comments she makes about your significant other’s ass. 

 

She texts me if I’m nervous to re-meet Camila’s dad and Sofi and I tell her that I hadn’t thought about it until she asked. Now I’m all nerves and fidgeting hands and there’s not a logical reason for me to be nervous but that’s not going to stop me from being nervous. 

 

I’m shaking a little when I pull up to their house,  mentally practicing how I’m going to introduce myself at least four different ways. They all kind of sound stupid so I’m hoping I can just skip it since Alejandro and Sofi already know who I am and- oh my God they’re stepping out of the house and approaching my car. 

 

It’s too late to pull out of the driveway now, so I bare my teeth and do my best to pull myself together. 

 

Turns out I had nothing to be nervous about. Camila holds my hand the whole dinner and Sofi carries most of the conversations with everyone throughout the night because girl’s got a lot to say. Camila gives Sofi her full attention every time she speaks and it’s easy to see that she absolutely adores her little sister, showing interest in everything the younger one has to say. 

 

It’s just as easy to see that Sofi looks up to Camila, valuing her opinion on practically everything, regardless of how big or small. 

 

Sofi is also smart, and extremely observant. 

 

“You could hardly talk when we were at the party. Now it’s like you’ve known each other all along,” she points out.

 

Smart, but she’s still only eleven and not the most tactful. Because now Camila’s face drops with guilt, both of us aware of why I was like that. 

 

_ I didn’t know what to say to Camila when I wanted her to be Karla.  _

 

I settle for saying “we’ve just grown to be more comfortable around each other.”  __

 

Alejandro is reserved but he’s kind and welcoming and the way Camila regards him doesn’t make it hard to guess that it’s taken a lot for him to get to this point.  He has the same tired eyes that Camila does and it’s the most striking resemblance that’s more than a little heartbreaking. 

 

I’m conflicted in my thoughts about Alejandro, wanting to be critical in his way of handling his grief, knowing how heavily it impacted Camila. My hold on her hand subconsciously tightens and I’m relieved that she doesn’t think anything of it, only squeezing my hand in return. Because I’m entirely aware that I’m in no position to judge, completely unaware of what it’s like to have to cope with that kind of loss. 

 

He pulls me aside at one point in the night while Camila is preoccupied with helping Sofi do the dishes. 

 

“Please be careful with her,” he says, not necessarily warning me but more imploring than anything. “Not too careful though,” he adds with a wry grin. “Sometimes she needs some sense knocked into her.” 

 

After that I conclude that Alejandro is at least trying and that’s all anyone can really ask of him. 

 

Sofi approaches me while Camila is speaking to their dad, telling him that she plans to spend the night at my place again. He eyes me warily and I avert any sort of eye contact, pretending that I wasn’t trying to figure out what he was saying. 

 

“You’ll take care of Kaki, right?” There’s no timidness in the eleven year old’s voice, only determined concern. 

 

“As best as I can,” I quietly promise as I look down at her.

 

“Good,” she nods before turning to watch her sister from across the room, my eyes doing the same. “I’m really hoping you can show her that you two are part of the lucky ones.” 

 

It’s then that Camila catches my gaze, sending me a tender smile and even from across the room it’s apparent how genuine it is. That’s all it really takes for me. 

 

“Yeah, me too.” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i posted this onto wattpad last night and completely forgot about it on here so if i ever miss an update it'll more than likely be on there @taller-smol


	7. Chapter 7

**CAMILA**

 

After our lazy day in, Lauren takes me to the zoo, spending a lot of our time at the koala exhibit after pleading with her to wait in the enormously long line with me to be able to hold one. (I might have cried a little.) Lauren saves all of the next day for the aquarium where she lets Sofi tagalong. She spends a majority of the time explaining to my little sister why sharks are so misunderstood and emphatically discussing their bad eyesight. 

 

The next date is an honest to god picnic on the beach and I almost wonder how she’s doing so well with planning dates. I laugh a little when I remember how her name is etched onto my skin. 

 

Unfortunately, Lauren can only avoid but so much work. With her inevitable return to her job I spend a couple of days with my dad and Sofi. They don’t ask as many questions about Lauren as I thought they would but I end up talking about her the whole time anyways because...it’s  _ Lauren _ . My dad teases me about being smitten, glad that I’m letting myself get this far and it’s the most normal I’ve felt with him in a long time. Sofi tells me all she’s read up on sharks and how she can’t wait to tell Lauren everything and I’m smiling so big that my cheeks hurt.  

 

I end up back at her apartment every night when she gets off work and it’s almost (definitely) embarrassing how clingy I’ve already gotten. I tell her I’ve missed her and the kisses she gives me say she missed me too. Then I’m in her arms and she’s holding me through the night while my lips press against her neck and it’s the closest I’ve been to feeling whole in eleven years. 

 

There’s one night that we take Vero out to dinner as way of me thanking her for helping me get my shit together. She’s practically shaking with how happy she is for us and she’s making jokes about ‘too much Cuban booty in one relationship’ and it’s relieving to be able to take things lightly for once.  

 

Lauren is making good on her promise of taking me on as many dates as possible in two weeks and as deeply as I love the gesture of making up for lost time, I’m anxious for when our time does run out. 

 

All my concerns completely shift one night as we’re all cozied up for bed and I’m about four minutes away from snoring when she’s asking me to meet her parents again and I’m suddenly looking at the soonest flights back to North Carolina. 

 

“Camz, it’s just my parents,” she tries reassuring me. 

 

“They probably hate me!” 

 

“Why would they hate you?”

“I lied! I broke your heart! I was late to the party!”

 

“The last reason probably doesn’t need to be there,” she ventures and I shrug. 

 

“I needed a third reason.”

 

Lauren releases a little laugh and moves closer, wrapping herself around me as she brings her head to rest on my shoulder. “Baby, they understand why you did it. You were scared and they’re not going to hold that against you.” 

 

I stay silent at her words, not at all convinced. “Being scared shouldn’t be reason enough for hurting you.”

 

Her hand roams along my body until it finds mine, intertwining our fingers and I can feel her leaning down to press a kiss to my skin where her name is inked on my collarbone. “That’s too bad, because it is.” 

 

There’s a swelling in my chest at how steadfast Lauren sounds, how comforting she’s being. It’s tinged with guilt and a little apprehension at meeting her parents another time but she’s holding me so securely that I almost believe things would be as simple as crossing that bridge when I get there. 

 

—

 

It kind of  _ is  _ as simple as that. 

 

I’m definitely a nervous wreck when Lauren pulls up to her parents’ driveway and all I can think of is my dad reminding me to just be honest with them and with Lauren. It’s followed with the memory of Sofi telling me to not be an idiot again and I figure that’s good enough advice to get me through the night. 

 

“Camila! It’s nice to see you again,” Clara greets me when we get past the door, enveloping me in a hug. “Or do we call you Karla now?” 

 

There’s a lot of effort in stopping myself from cringing. “Camila is good. I’ve gone so long with it, Karla doesn’t seem to fit me anymore.” I try to keep my smile from looking like a grimace. 

 

Mike and Clara seem to share a look between each other but I don’t let myself dwell on it. 

 

“It’s nice to see you again Mrs.Jaur-”

 

“No no, none of that. It’s Clara, okay? Mike and Clara.” There’s a sweet smile to her clarification and I nod in understanding with a smile of my own. I turn to see Lauren watching us intently and reaching for my hand again, giving it a squeeze and sending me a look of reassurance. 

 

“I’m glad you could join us tonight. We’re really glad that Lauren’s found you and that she gets to keep you,” Mike eagerly chimes in as he puts an arm around my shoulders in a half hug. His words are excited but there’s the slightest bit of edge to the tone of his voice that has me wondering. 

 

“Are Chris and Taylor here?” Lauren cuts in, sending a sharp look between her parents.

 

“Yeah, they’re setting up the table for dinner,” Mike responds.

 

“Great. I’m going to introduce Camz,” she starts leading me away from her parents, failing to hide the exasperated look she gives them. 

 

“Lo, I didn’t know your brother and sister were going to be here too,” I whisper harshly in a panic as we create distance from her parents. 

 

“Well…yeah,” she shrugs. “I wanted the whole family to meet you again under the right circumstances. I want them to meet you as…” Lauren pauses before giving me a meaningful look. “I want to introduce you as mine this time.”

 

All wariness is gone and my heart stutters in response as my voice seems to be lost, all I can seem to manage is a grin. I lean forward to give her a soft peck and she gives my hand a comforting squeeze.

 

“Don’t stress, okay? They understand and they’re going to love you.” 

 

I can only nod, my nerves returning as I silently pray that I don’t royally fuck up somehow tonight.

 

It’s easy to tell with the knowing looks that all the Jauregui’s share between one another, that Lauren’s given her family at least the Cliff Notes version of how her and I have gotten to this point together. My uneasiness returns as a part of me grows paranoid that their eyes are judging and their smiles are forced. 

 

I tell myself that my worrying is misplaced, each member of Lauren’s family as welcoming as they were at the holiday party, Chris and Taylor even asking about Sofi who really got along with their younger cousins. I smile at the memory of my sister making friends so effortlessly. 

 

By the time everyone’s plate is filled and there’s a steady chatter across the table I finally feel myself fully relax, lazily holding Lauren’s hand that rests on my thigh. It’s when the topic of discussion comes back to me that things take a bit of a turn. 

 

“So Camila” Clara starts, turning to me. “Lauren tells us you’re a pre-med student?”

 

“Yeah,” I nod. “I’m aiming to be a pediatric neurosurgeon actually.” 

 

Everyone but Lauren’s eyebrows raise in surprise, Lauren instead running her thumb across my knuckles as she sends me a proud smile. 

 

“That’s definitely impressive,” Mike says in turn. “What led you to pursue that in particular?” 

 

A moment passes where I’m silent because I’ve never had a sure answer to this. I end up shrugging with a small grin. “It feels right to me. High school Camila wouldn’t have guessed that a few documentaries on brain development would eventually lead me to actually wanting to become a doctor. But it did and I can’t say that I would want to be doing anything else.” 

 

Chris and Taylor share an impressed look while Clara smiles at me warmly, Mike remains a little shocked. Lauren’s look of pure pride and adoration are what have me blushing. 

 

“That sounds like it would take a lot of time though,” he presses forward. 

 

“All good things take time, don’t they?” I attempt at playfulness. “But yeah, it’ll be another four years of med school and then six years of residency before I’m a full fledged ‘Doctor.’” 

 

Mike nods as he processes the information. “So where are you studying?” 

 

“I’m pre-med at UNC right now but I’m hoping to get into Duke for grad school.”

 

“That’s up in…South Carolina?” Chris pipes in uncertainly. 

 

“North actually, but close enough,” I laugh lightly. 

 

“Quite a ways away from home,” Mike notes with surprise. 

 

I can only nod in agreement. “Yeah, it makes coming down here during breaks to visit but it’s a really great school and I know that it would be worth it in the end.” 

 

“So when do you plan on moving up there, Laur?” he’s asking abruptly and my body tenses. I spare a glance at Lauren who’s looking just a little guilty. The tension seems to be clear to everyone in the room. 

 

I manage to stare at Lauren with wide eyes and a gaping mouth long enough for her to speak up, my own voice lost on me. 

 

“Uh, I’m not sure yet dad. We haven’t had the chance to talk about it yet.” 

 

That’s a perfectly acceptable answer, I thought. 

 

But then Lauren’s parents are sending us both a questioning look and there’s a dejected panic on Lauren’s face that spurs me into finding my voice. 

 

“I mean, I still have a lease with my current roommate that I can’t abandon her with it and there really wouldn’t be much room for another person to move in so Lauren and I have just decided to tackle that situation when we get to it,” and I’m entirely aware that I’m rambling but I can’t seem to stop.

 

“And I wouldn’t want Lauren to be so hasty in leaving Miami since she still has all of you here and she’d be starting completely new in North Carolina. It would be a lot to ask of her to haul her whole life up there just for me…” 

 

My voice trails off in uncertainty and I swallow thickly. 

 

“Well I think that’s kind of really sweet of you,” Taylor comments and I give her a weak smile. 

 

“There’s a U-Haul Lesbian joke in here somewhere I just don’t know what it is,” Chris smirks and Lauren smacks the back of his head while Taylor’s hand lands on his chest. 

 

“Ow! Okay, maybe not. Jeez, tough crowd.” 

 

Lauren takes this as opportunity to avert the conversation topic and it helps in easing my nerves, I almost don’t think anything of the way Clara eyes me warily the rest of the meal. 

 

Almost.

My dad calls right when we’re all standing from the table, Lauren making it clear that I can take the call as she’s helping her mom clear plates. Making my way to the front door, I swipe my phone to answer the call as I step outside. 

 

“Yes, father?” I greet in an annoyingly pleasant tone. 

 

“ _ Hello to you too, mija. Sofi and I were just wanting to check in.”  _

 

I feel my shoulders rise and fall in a shrug, completely aware they can’t see me. “I think it went okay? I mean, you’ve met them dad, they’re super welcoming and nice.” 

 

“ _ I told you it wouldn’t be hard for them to like you!”  _

 

_ “ _ I said they were nice, not that they liked me.”

 

“ _ Well who’s to say they don’t like you?” _

 

I pick at the hem of my shirt nervously and my eyebrows crease in concern. “I don’t know, honestly. I feel like they were just being friendly and they’re putting up with me for Lauren’s sake.” 

 

“ _ I doubt that’s true,”  _ my dad just about scoffs. “ _ Look, I know you’re still beating yourself up about how you went with things but it’s not like none of us don’t understand why you did it. You were a downright pain in the ass but we understood. Most importantly, Lauren understood. Her parents might take time but so long as Lauren is on your side then that’s what matters right?”  _

 

I let out a long sigh and try my best to stop the tears from forming because I like to think I’m not always an emotional mess. 

 

(I am. But denial gets me through the day.) 

 

“Yeah,” I say softly as I think back to Lauren, a fond smile gracing my lips. 

 

“ _ Good. Hey, your sister wants to talk to you a bit.” _

 

_ “ _ Okay go ahead and put her on the phone-”

 

“ _ Kaki!” _

 

I yank the phone away from my ear at the sheer volume and cringe for my eardrums. “Que pasa, nena?” 

 

“ _ Are you with Lauren right now?”  _

 

_ “ _ No, did you only want to talk to her?” I ask with a little indignation. 

 

“ _ Kind of, yeah.” _

 

“Sofi!” 

 

“ _ Well, I have an essay due in my environmental science class and I was going to write mine about sharks so I was going to talk to Lauren about it.”  _

 

“Are you sure you don’t just like her better than you like me?” I jokingly tease. 

 

“ _ That’s also part of it.” _

 

_ “ _ Sofi!” I can’t believe this girl. 

 

“ _ I’m only joking! You know you’re my favorite sister. Don’t be a big baby,” _ she prompts me and I roll my eyes at her sass. I don’t bother reminding her I’m her  _ only _ sister.

 

“Lauren and I will come by sometime and you two can talk about sharks all night long if you really want to.”

 

“ _ Sweet, thanks Kaki!” _

 

I smile at my sister’s excitement, sending my love to both her and my dad as I make my way back inside the Jauregui household. 

 

Pausing in the hallway to  _ finally  _ get off the phone with my sister and put it in my back pocket, voices in the kitchen cause me to hesitate. 

 

“Ma, you have to admit it’s kind of a big step.” It’s clearly Lauren speaking and curiosity stops me from walking through the door and making my presence known. 

 

“Maybe, but it’s not like it doesn’t make sense. She sounded like she’s not even sure she wants to move in with you.” 

 

Clara’s words are delivered with a harsh tone that differs so strongly from any she’s used throughout dinner and I’m taken aback at the contrast. 

 

“This is a lot for her, mom. She’s trying!” 

 

I feel my heart swell at Lauren’s insistence on coming to my defense. 

 

“We see that Lauren, we promise. I think your mom is just trying to tell you to be careful.” My heart deflates and apprehension grows inside of me at Mike’s words. There’s a sense of dread at what’s to follow.

 

“Careful of  _ what _ ?” She’s demanding and the frustration in her voice is evident. 

 

“You said it yourself,” Clara answers. “There’s a lot of things she’s not ready for. When people aren’t ready they fall back into habits and as we’ve all seen, Camila has had a habit of looking out for herself.” 

 

Her words are sharp and calculated with a biting tone. There’s a pause that stretches between the three of them and the longer the silence, the heavier the weight in my chest grows.  

 

“What are you trying to say?” Lauren’s voice is quieter and I strain to hear it. 

 

“I’m saying that she hasn’t had to put anyone but herself first for a long time. Don’t let her do that to you. Don’t let her make you forget that your needs are important too.” Clara’s tone is motherly and cautious and there’s an unsettling in the pit of my stomach in knowing that this is what she thinks of me. 

 

“She promised me she’ll try,” Lauren speaks up again and there’s conviction in her voice that I’m grateful for. “That’s enough for right now.”

 

“And when it isn’t enough later?” Clara’s voice is challenging now, sounding a lot like the condescending tone mothers take when they know better and I begin to feel sick. I take a step back, unable to listen to any more, my heart hammering out of my chest while every inhale is sharp and takes too much out of me. 

 

I nearly trip over myself when I feel a hand on my shoulder and let out a loud gasp when I turn around to find Chris.

 

“Woah hey, it’s just me. No need to freak.” He’s looking at me with an amused smile and I only manage to stare back at him with wide eyes. 

 

“Are you okay?”

 

No, I’m really not okay because Clara can already tell I’m not good enough for Lauren and the pathetic part of me wants to laugh at how apparent that is. There’s a tightening in my chest that begs for Lauren not to believe it, to still give me a chance. I’m so close to panicking until I see Chris starting to look at me with genuine concern and I will myself to reel everything in for now. 

 

“Yeah,” I nod while swallowing thickly. “You just scared the shit out of me.”

 

“I said your name but you were really zoned out. You sure everything’s okay?”

 

“Oh, uh, yeah. I was just thinking about what I’m going to do while your sister has work tomorrow. I should probably take care of some errands like an adult,” I try to joke and he throws me a wry grin.

 

“Sounds like the responsible thing to do. Which is gross,” he chuckles. “But you can hold off on all that, me and Taylor are about to play Mortal Kombat and I need someone to finally beat her.”

 

“I’m not sure that I’ve ever played Mortal Kombat. It sounds a little intense and I don’t think I’m good at any sort of combat?”

 

“Don’t worry, just mash all the buttons and hope for the best.”

 

It doesn’t prove to be a good strategy, but that’s what I do for a few the next fifteen minutes or so, pressing at random buttons while Chris trash talks his little sister. It’s hard not to laugh at their antics and I’m relieved at how easy it is to get along with them, having been worried that they’d be against me with how I had initially treated Lauren. 

 

Kind of like how her parents feel about me…

 

And just like that, everything I overheard rushes to the forefront of my mind and everything in me falters, allowing Taylor to win  _ again _ and I pretend to laugh along as I had Chris the controller back. 

 

“Maybe if I practice I’ll have a better chance,” I offer with a weak smile as he’s frowning at his sister. 

 

“Don’t stress it, I’m sure she’s cheating anyways.” 

 

“I’m sorry you’re a sore loser,” she sticks her tongue out at him and he flips her off in response. The action earns him a smack on the shoulder and I watch quietly as the two bicker, exchanging insults as they return to trying to virtually disembowel each other in Mortal Kombat.

 

It’s another couple minutes of mindlessly watching the younger Jauregui’s fight to the death when I hear footsteps come down the hallway, Lauren coming up to stand next to my spot on the couch. 

 

“Hi baby,” she greets me with soft eyes and a tender smile. 

 

“Hi,” I respond softly and with a small smile of my own. 

 

“Everything good with your dad?” 

 

“Oh, yeah. He was just calling to see how dinner went. Sofi is also writing an essay on sharks so she wants to consult with her new shark expert friend,” I say with a teasing smirk. 

 

“That’s adorable,” Lauren practically coos. “I’ll have to drop by sometime and help her with it.”

 

“She’d really like that,” I say looking up at her fondly. She leans down to peck my lips before taking a seat next to me. 

 

“Where are your mom and dad?” I ask cautiously. 

 

“They’re just uh, finishing cleaning up the kitchen. Mom’s probably gossiping while dad pretends to listen,” Lauren plays it off with a laugh that seems a little forced and I decide I probably shouldn’t push the issue. 

 

“Do you wanna head out in a bit? I’m suddenly really tired.” The suggestion is abrupt but she looks antsy to leave and I simply nod along. 

 

“Sure, I ate a bunch so I’m definitely ready for a cat nap.” 

 

“Okay, let me go say bye to my parents and we can leave.” 

 

“I’ll come with you,” I offer, nearly missing the way Lauren hesitates. Before she can suggest otherwise, Clara and Mike are walking down the hallway from the kitchen and watching the both of us. 

 

“Are you two already leaving?” Mike asks.

 

“We were just about to go over and say our goodbyes actually,” I admit, making my way over to thank them for dinner and accommodating me this evening. Clara waves me off, insisting that she was more than happy to and I pretend not to watch as she quietly speaks to Lauren off to the side. Chris and Taylor stop their game long enough to hug the both of us goodbye, reminding us to visit again when I’m back from school and I manage not to flinch at the thought of all my time away. 

 

Lauren holds my hand the whole way back to her apartment, the ride mostly silent and I’m not sure if I should ask if she’s okay, pretending that I don’t already know the answer. I settle for bringing our joined hands into my lap, running my thumbs over her knuckles and quietly humming along to the Khalid album she has playing. 

 

The silence carries into her apartment when we get there, me quietly following her as she heads into the bathroom. the both of us get ready for bed side by side and I try not to think about how much I’m going to miss the domesticity. There’s still no words between us as we change into sleep clothes and she perches herself on the edge of the bed while I tuck myself under the covers. It’s not until a few more minutes pass that I decide to finally broach the subject.   

 

“You’ve been awfully quiet, Lo.” 

 

Her head snaps towards me, eyes wide and uncertain. “What? Oh, I’m sorry. Just been thinking about some things.” 

 

“Any things in particular?” I attempt to prod. 

 

“Uh, mostly some family stuff I spoke to my parents about earlier.” 

 

I frown, Clara’s cutting words rushing to the forefront of my mind. Quickly, I shake my head of the memory, intent on focusing on comforting Lauren. 

 

“You know if you ever want to talk about any of it, I’m all ears.” Lauren gives me a small smile and I reach for her, motioning for her to lay with me. “I always want to hear about what’s going on with you, okay?” 

 

“Okay,” she whispers back and I strain my neck to plant a kiss on her forehead. I tug her hand and motion vaguely until she gets the hint to lay herself on top of me. I smile contentedly, wrapping my legs around her waist, arms circling her shoulders as I pull her face into the crook of my neck and begin stroking her hair. I leave occasional kisses on the side of her head and smile when I feel her hands grip my waist tightly. 

 

Lauren’s breath is steady and the only indication that she’s even awake is her thumbs rubbing slow circles on my skin under the hem of my shirt. I feel my eyelids grow heavy as minutes pass in such a peaceful state together, every part of me completely relaxed and secure in Lauren’s hold. 

 

“Hey Lo?” 

 

“Hm?” she hums against my neck and one of my hands roam over to cup her cheek.

 

“I love you.” 

 

I hadn’t planned on saying it, hadn’t even considered when I would. But I consider it now that it’s out there and I know that I wouldn’t want to take it back, I know that I mean it and I want her to know too. If there’s anything I can give her, it’s this. 

 

Everything in Lauren’s body tenses, I can even feel the way her eyes snap open and her breath catches in her throat. Slowly, she extracts herself from my arms, raising her head to face me. 

 

“What?” 

 

She’s painted with disbelief and shock, eyes searching mine for any hint of uncertainty and I reach up once again to cup her face, stroking her cheek as I try to pour every ounce of sincerity in conviction into my voice. 

 

“I love you, Lauren.” 

 

There’s only silence while she stares at me, mouth agape. 

 

“Yeah?” she asks a little dumbfounded and I smile at the dopey look she takes on. I nod my head yes and suddenly she’s kissing me, her body pressed to mine once more and it’s not long before she’s giggling into my mouth. 

 

“I love you too, you know. I just want to be clear on that.” 

 

“Yeah?” I ask much the same way she did and she rolls her eyes at me before leaning down for another kiss. 

 

Abruptly she’s pulling away and hovering over me. “You’re sure, right? Because it’s only been two weeks so maybe...I don’t know. Are you sure?” 

 

My hand trails along Lauren’s shoulder and down her arm where  _ Karla _ is printed on her skin right on the inside of her elbow, my fingers lightly tracing over the letters. 

 

“Yeah, I’m sure.” 

 

-

 

“I don’t want to go,” Lauren whines as she clings to me the next morning.

 

“You gotta.” 

 

“Don’t make me.” 

 

“Baby. You have to.” 

 

Lauren fixes me with her best pout and I almost give in when she bats her eyelashes. 

 

“You can’t call out of work again, Lo.” 

 

“Why  _ not _ ?” 

 

“You have bills. And you probably enjoy eating. I definitely do.” 

 

“I think everyone knows you enjoying eating, Camz.” 

 

I stick my tongue out at her and before I can blink, she’s covering my mouth with hers, tongue and all.

 

Quickly, I pull away and scrunch my nose at her. “You’re gross,” I remark with no real bite to my tone. She just giggles and holds me tighter. 

 

“I love you,” she breathes out, eyes trained on me with a smile plastered on her face. I lean forward to press our mouths together but it doesn’t last long with how her smile breaks the kiss. 

 

“I love you too,” I reciprocate softly. “But you still have to go to work.”

 

“Damnit.” 

 

-

 

My mom loved camellia flowers, loved how they grew year-long and were such gentle colors. So the flowers I get for my mom when I visit are always camellias. It’s corny and it lost its poetic appeal a long long time ago, but it’s the closest I can get to honoring her  _ somehow _ so now it’s tradition. They’re usually white, but sometimes when I feel like it doesn’t hurt as much to be without her, I’ll get the pink ones. 

 

They’re white this time. 

 

I place them centered in front of her tombstone, sitting crosslegged and letting myself get situated. It’s only after a couple minutes of staring at the carved letters that spell SINUHE CABELLO that I release a long breath, my body relaxing only in the slightest. 

 

“Hi mami,” I start softly, how I always do. “I think papi is really doing better. At least he’s letting himself be better. We had a really  _ really _ long talk and I’m hoping we understand each other more. Now I know how he coped and now he knows how I couldn’t and it’s…progress.”

 

Leaning forward to rest my elbows on my knees and my head on my hands, I hesitate before continuing. 

 

“You’ll be glad to know I finally got my head out of my ass becase me and Lauren are together now and… And I love her,” I give a slight shrug at the confession. 

 

“I mean, anyone could have guessed that I would love her since we’re kind of made for each other. It’s easy too, being with her. She’s attentive and a giant nerd with this laugh that makes me  _ giddy _ like an idiot. She also clearly has the patience of a saint considering she still stuck around for me to get my shit together. Sofi really likes Lauren too, has a whole new shark obsession because of her,” I laugh a little. 

 

For a few moments my mind wanders to the green eyed girl, lips curling in a fond smile as I think about the way she kissed me last night. 

 

“But I don’t deserve any of it.” 

 

There’s a lump in my throat that I do my best to swallow down with little success. 

 

“I just- I don’t get how I’m allowed to be happy when you’re not here, when you don’t get to be happy too.” The breath I let out is shaky and I really hadn’t planned on crying this visit but I should’ve known better because I’m biting back sobs as tears well in my eyes. 

 

“But no matter how guilty I feel and however sorry I am, it doesn’t bring you back and I hate how disappointing that still is.” 

 

Crying out, the tears slide down my cheeks in similar fashion to a dam breaking. 

 

“I want you here, so badly,” I choke out. “I want you to meet Lauren and be super embarrassing and I want you to see how well Sofi is doing in school and how fast she’s growing up.” There’s hiccups between my words, sobs wracking through me as tears blur my vision. 

 

“I just want you back,” I whisper. 

 

“I need you here so you can tell me what I’m supposed to do when Lauren’s parents don’t think I’m good enough for her. Or when I agree and don’t know how to be good enough for her. Or-or tell me that soulmates get happy endings too because even after my fuck up, everything about being with Lauren just fell into place and that’s what’s terrifying, mami. Because how long is that going to last?.” 

 

Hastily, I wipe away at my tears only to have them be replaced with more.

 

“She’s willing to move to North Carolina with me while I finish school! Literally wants to pick up her life and bring it a million miles anywhere just to be with  _ me _ . How do I not fuck up something like that? How do I not ruin someone as good as Lauren?” 

 

I let myself bawl my eyes out, eventually slumping against my mother’s tombstone until my crying subsides.  

 

-

 

“Dinah I can hear you just fine,” I insisted as I readjust my laptop, the Skype screen lagging and showing my roommate and best friend as nothing more than blonde pixels. 

 

“I am an  _ experience,  _ Walz. It’s just as important, if not more, to be able to see me as clearly as you hear me.” 

 

I’m rolling my eyes until she speaks up again.

 

“Camila, just because you can’t see me doesn’t mean I can’t see you.” 

 

A not at all innocent smile is all I respond with. 

 

“When is the love of your life getting back? I need to do some grilling.” 

 

“Since when do you do any form of cooking?”

 

“No, stupit I meant I was gonna grill Lauren for you. You know, to assess.” 

 

I scrunch my face. “Assess what?” 

 

“Mostly her goods.”

 

“Do not,” I warn her. She cackles on the other end, the call briefly cutting in and out. 

 

“I retract my offer, you’re not allowed to meet her.”

 

“Aw come on Mila, I’m going to see her from the neck up on this thing. Besides, I’m sure she’ll love me. Who doesn’t?” 

 

The video quality doesn’t need to be any better for me to know Dinah is flaunting herself and I roll my eyes another time but with a small grin along with it. I don’t hear the apartment door opening, completely caught off guard when the bedroom door gently swings open with Lauren behind it. I jump a little and she gives me an amused look as she takes in my form, wearing only sleep shorts and her shirt as I shift with the laptop on my stomach.

 

“Hi baby,” I greet her innocently. 

 

“ _ Hi baby _ ,” Dinah mimics me on the call and I give her the middle finger while Lauren moves to hover over me on the bed to drop a quick kiss to my lips.

 

“Hi,” she breathes out. 

 

“Hey,” I beam up at her. 

 

“You already said hi,” Dinah loudly states from my laptop. 

 

Still facing Lauren, I roll my eyes affectionately before saying “so this is Dinah. You don’t have to listen to anything she says, a lot of it she makes up.” 

 

At this, Lauren leans close to me so that her head is in the frame of the video call, smiling as she waves. “Hi Dinah!”

 

“You don’t have to pretend to be excited to meet her,” I reassure her with a smirk but she only motions for me to scoot over and make room and she plops herself down next to me. I sit up so we can both adjust, the laptop now actually on my lap and Lauren pressed to my side. 

 

“But I am excited!” she whispers to me and I can’t stop my smile from forming. “I’m also a little nervous but don’t tell her that.” 

 

“Damn Mila, that’s her? You did good,” Dinah comments with Lauren in frame for her to ‘assess’ and I nod emphatically. 

 

“I know, I really lucked out.” 

 

Lauren responds with a thank you to Dinah and a kiss to my cheek. 

 

“Hey hey hey,” my roommate snaps. “Don’t be gay while I’m here. There’s no one for me to be gay with so you two can’t be doin’ all that.” 

 

I snort at her comment. “Guess we’re going to have to hang up. It’s a lot of gay going on.” 

 

“You’re not funny, Walz.” 

 

“Lauren laughed,” I pout. 

 

“She has to. It’s out of obligation, basically. Anyways, can you see me yet?”

 

“Don’t worry Dinah, we can hear you just fine.” 

 

“What did we  _ just  _ go over?” 

 

Lauren listens to the two of us bicker with a smile on her face, resting her head on my shoulder as Dinah makes an attempt at interrogating her. I’m grateful for the clear avoidance of any questions about Lauren moving in with me, though it does nothing to ease the pit of guilt in my chest. 

 

It comes as no surprise that Lauren gets along incredibly well with Dinah, both of them poking fun at my emotional incompetence and having a jab at my not-at-all lame jokes. I simply cross my arms at the both of them until Lauren is peppering my face with kisses and Dinah is back to complaining how we’re too gay. 

 

Seeing Lauren do so well with Dinah makes me realise how there’s an ease to being with her, to having her in my life. It’s an easiness I’m scared of getting used to. I try not to dwell on how I’ve already gotten attached to that easiness. 

 

I definitely don’t think about how I’m going to leave her in two days. 

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been 84 years but i have finally returned from war, sorry for the wait babes! 
> 
>  
> 
> wattpad.com/taller-smol

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!!! ily and i hope you have/had a good day
> 
> tumblr: mndng
> 
> come bug me about how you hated the ending, probably =]


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